


Killing Me Softly

by Kaira00



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: And lots and lots of potato chips if you know what I mean, F/F, Falling In Love Again, Hurtful sacrifices, Reality stings, it's an AU and it's going to kill us softly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 36,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4243833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaira00/pseuds/Kaira00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Married life is full of twists and turns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lies

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally deleted this work, so, I'm sorry.

I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of retreating careful footsteps. I open my eyes, adjusting it to the lights, I shifted, so now I'm laying at my back. I search for the warm body beside me but all I feel is an empty sheets. The warmth she left lingered on.

I try to close my eyes to stop the hurt, but the tears are leaking from the side of my eyes, moistening my dry cheeks.

I sit down, the headache is back again, the same old footsteps that woke me up every night triggers the throbbing pain, I figured. And it hurt like hell.

"Mom?"  
Our daughter, Ambili, calls quietly, she's standing at the door, I didn't notice her coming. I was so busy massaging the aches away.

"Come here.." She crawls on to my lap "Can't sleep?"  
"No, but I.. I heard someone walking away. Where's inay?"  
"She uh.. She's up early, needs to go to work." I am becoming good at this, lying to my daughter.  
"At this hour?" Her question only proves me that I'm one big terrible liar.  
"Well, it's urgent.. Anyway, wanna sleep here?"

She nodded and smiled, and she had her inay's lop sided smile that never fails to melt my heart.

I scoop her in my arms and lay her beside me, yes she's not my wife, but she's all I have left of her. And that's something I will always cherish.

"Mom, can you please tell me again the story of how you met inay?"

You little.. You're not helping me, sweetie.

"Of course.. Anything for you.." I sighed .. "Once upon a time.." This is torturing me.

I did not reach the half of the story when I hear my little angel snores, I look outside through the spaces between the curtains, the sun is still far from rising, so I lay back and force myself to sleep. Tomorrow would be another day, though I know it would still be the same, I still hope for the better.

I really didn't know how or what time I slept, but the smell of the sweet aroma of black coffee pulled me out from my dreamland. I stood up, grabbed my robe and slowly walked outside our bed room.

I lean on the balustrade, Ambili is playing with Naga.

Perhaps she noticed me, because she stopped what she was doing and looked up at me.

"Good morning, my Love."

That lie again, I am becoming numb to it, every single time I hear it.

"Good morning, Korra."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Inay is a Filipino term for mothers.  
> *Ambili is an Indian word which means moon.
> 
> I wanted it to be Asami.. But I thought naaah, it's better to be Korra.
> 
> To my friend, Buddha1800, thank you for being such a supportive beta.
> 
> Addendum: chap 1-7 didn't undergo beta reading.. So, blame all the flaws on me. (:


	2. Alone

The pain.. Why does it have to grow every day?

  
I've never embarrassed myself like that before in front of my board, I looked so weak in front of them. A CEO can't be seen in her most vulnerable state like that. What happened to my control? My composure and my cool?  
  
The throbbing headache struck me in the middle of my meeting, in front of my board and in front of my business partners. What a perfect time and place to be to have a breakdown.   
  
"Ms Sato, here have some water."  
  
I thought it was Korra when I open my eyes to see her blue eyes.   
  
My head is playing tricks on me again. Seems to me that even my body hates me and it's also inflicting me madness.  
  
"Can you sit?"  
"Yes."

I tried to sit but there it goes again, I almost screamed but I remember what my father would always tell me.

 _Never allow people, your subordinates, to see you in pain. If they do, they would use it against you. And they would even disrespect you._   
  
"Ms Sato, allow me to-"  
"NO!!" She gasps at reactionl. "No." I say in a calmer voice. I push hard against the couch and seated myself as I swallow all the protests my muscles are screaming. Telling me to stop. But I'm the boss here, and I always win. At least that's what I think.  
  
"Thank you, Mia." She hands me the water but I wave it away, what for? It will only burn my throat.  
  
"Ms Sato, I've been your father's secretary long before he gave you his chair. I've been serving your family since you were little, I'm a family, maybe not by blood, but by loyalty. Should there be anything you need, I'm always here." She squeezes my hand, but my fingers are too sore to squeeze hers back. So I nod, and then she left.   
  
Her words left a deep hole in my chest, my wife should be the one comforting me, not my secretary. But she's nowhere to be found. Well maybe I know where she is right now. But I can't bother her or later we will have fight.  
  
"Oh and Ms Sato?"  
"What is it?" I ask without looking at her. I don't want to see the pity in her eyes.  
"Would you like me to call your wife?" I flinch at the word, wife, do I still have one?   
"No, I'll call her myself. Thank you. Please leave me be."  
She bows and walks away.   
Wife. Once, I was so excited to call her my wife, I couldn't wait for our wedding day to come. I couldn't wait to wear that stunning white dress, wear a perfect make up for a perfect day and just be perfect for her.   
  
But now, it's nothing but a word to call someone whom I share my last name with.   
  
My phone vibrates..  
  
 ** _03:45 PM._**  
  
 ** _Korra: hey, I'm kinda busy right now and it's almost time to pick Ambili up. I know it's my turn today but I'm having a rough day here. So, pick her, yeah?_**  
  
Great, it's just what I need in times of like this.  
  
 _ **Asami: sure, I'll pick her up. Come for dinner?**_  
  
 _ **04:30 PM.**_  
  
 _ **Korra: sure, I'll be home at 8.**_  
  
 _ **Korra: oh and I love you. Drive safely.**_  
  
Would you even care if I just kill myself in a car accident? Maybe that would make things easier for you.   
  
_**Asami: I love you, too.**_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave some feedback, yeah?


	3. This Is It

I reach my angel's school, and I crouch as I see her running towards me.  
"Mom! Mom! Look! Teacher Jinora told us to draw the things that make us happy!!"

Jinora? Shouldn't it be teacher Kuvira?

"Really?And what do you have there?"  
"I drew us! See here?! You, me and Inay! You two make me happy!! And we have a happy family! You and Inay love each other and that makes me happy!"

Her words are like daggers that slowly being pushed deep into my throat making me speechless. She still doesn't know the situation her Inay and I are in. And that's more hurting than the pain I'm trying to swallow everyday.

"Of course, honey. We love each other and we are a happy family."  
"Yes I thought so! Oh where is she, mom?"  
Her brows furrow, she's looking back and forth searching for her Inay.  
"She's busy honey, but she will be with us at dinner." Her face lightens up, it's been weeks since the last time we had dinner together.

"What will be for dinner, mom?"  
"Oh what do you like?"

 

*********

 

"Hey come back here Kuvira, I'm not yet done with you." I say, panting.

"Oh you just wait, let's just catch our breath first." She says as she rests her head on my chest.

"Stay for the night?" She asks me, hopefully.

"I can't, I promise Asami I'll be home for dinner."

"Pfft!" She moves to lie on the bed, disappointed. "You also promised me that you'd leave her and live with me. But until now I'm still like a lost puppy always waiting for someone to come around."

"Hey hey..it's not that easy. We have a child to think of and I just can't say goodbye and leave!"  
"And you can't just come around to satisfy yourself and then leave!!"  
"I know.. All I'm asking is just a little more time. We'll get through this okay?"  
"Whatever!"

 

*********

 

The room is dark, I turn all the lights off and sit at the far corner of the living room. I grew tired standing, waiting for her outside. I've been waiting for her for hours, and she never showed up for dinner.

Our child felt bad, and I had to lull her to sleep.

The sudden click of the knob tells me she's sneaking in again, this time she's caught in the act.  
She doesn't notice me, as she tiptoes her way to the kitchen, probably to wash all the evidences away. But it's too late, from my seat I can smell all the dirt that clung on to her. "Bitch."

She comes back, and crashes herself on the couch, tired.  
Still I'm left unnoticed. Her phone rings..  
"Hello?" She answers in a very soft whisper.  
"Yes I'm home now, no don't worry they're all asleep. Goodnight, babe. Bye. I love you too."

She sets her phone down. "Hello Korra." I finally reveal myself. I'm tired of this.  
"God Asami!! You scared me!!!"  
"Did I now?"  
"Well yeah?! What are you doing there?"  
"The question is, how long have I been sitting here?" I say crossing my arms.  
"What?! You?!" She sighs.. "Come here, honey. Sit with me."  
"No."  
"Is there something wrong?"  
"Korra, our child cried herself to sleep. You said you'd come home for dinner."  
"Oh.. I uh- I lost track of time."  
"Bullshit!!!"  
"I'm sorry."  
"Korra, stop hiding. You're never home, you're always out and I'm fed up with all your excuses and I've heard everything! Just tell me now before I lose all my control!!" I shout, as I stand up and walk towards her.  
"Okay, you want the truth?"  
Here it is, I'm bracing myself for whatever she's going to say. I'm ready for this. I've been ready for this.  
"I want a divorce, Asami."

And I thought I was ready for this.


	4. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter (or not, it depends if sleep visits me, lol) before I'm off to bed.

_"I still love you, Asami."_  
_"Mako, I'm sorry. But I'm in love with someone else."_  
_"I know. But I still can't forget you, and I hope that somehow, someday you'd choose me over her."_  
_"Why? It's because she's a woman?"_  
_"Hey don't be upset now.. But yes."_  
_"That won't happen, Mako."_  
_"I know, but I want you to know, that I'll always be here for you."_

\-----

"Okay." I say, as calm as possible. I don't want to wake my sleeping child up.  
"Okay?" she asks in disbelief.  
"Yes.. I know that's what you've been wanting , Korra, to get rid of me, so I'll give it to you."  
"So, you knew?"  
"I'm not stupid, Korra. I know everything, you don't think I haven't heard you sneaking out every night, do you?"  
She doesn't answer, she just looks away, as always.  
"On one condition."

 

Now she's looking at me, waiting for me to spit out the condition I'm asking.  
"Let's just spend time together, with Ambili, like a family. I don't want her to think that we're growing apart, she's been affected by you, always not around. Her grades are getting low, her teacher Kuv-" I swallow, saying her name makes me want to burn the house down.

"Her teacher said she's having a lot of tantrums and she's been acting strange."

 

She sighs. Thinking through of my offer. I wonder if she even feels responsible for what's been going on with Ambili.

 

"For how long?" She finally opens her mouth.

 

"Just for a week. Then I'll go for a business trip so you two could spend time together and talk. She's a smart child, she'll understand." I say, reaching out for her hand, holding it, she doesn't move away nor take my hand on hers, like she used to.

 

"That's agreeable. Okay, I'm on it." I'm relieved she agrees with me.

 

"One more thing, please bring me presents every time you come home, like the old times, buy her toys and all. I promise there's more to this, I'm not trying to win you back, but this is for our child."  
Now I hope she will agree with this as well.

 

"I don't know what you're thinking, but if this will benefit Ambili, then like I said I'm on it."  
"Thank you." Is all I'm able to say.

 

*********

 

"I finally told her, babe."  
"Really? Now that's a good news. Did she freak out or something?"  
"No, but she gave me some conditions, she said it's for our child, so I agreed."

I told Kuvira everything we've talked about last night. She laughs, saying that Asami is being desperate, using our child to win me back, but she's also upset that I said yes to her plans.

"Whatever happens, Kuv, she's not winning me back. I'm yours and I'll be yours. And I really don't care now with whatever she's up to with these conditions of hers."

Is it true? At the back of my mind, I'm also puzzled with Asami's conditions. She said there is more to this, but what is it, I cannot quite figure out. There's really something going on that I'm unaware of. I feel like I'm the one being fooled. She's not having an affair with her ex, is she? But come to think of it, she never nagged like what a woman would usually do when their partner cheats, nor she never argued when I told her I want a divorce.

 

*********

 

"So what now?"  
"I don't know, Mako. Should I feel guilty that I haven't told her about this?"  
"No. You shouldn't be guilty about it. She hurt you, hell she didn't even care to ask you what's wrong. So, if you don't want to tell her about this, you have all the right not to."  
"Thanx, Mako."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, confused? good.


	5. Home

Today is the first day we would carry out what we both agreed to do. So I bought Asami a bouquet of her favorite flower, I couldn't think of any presents other than this, I hope this one would do, well it's not like I want to sweep her off her feet, it's just a little show for our little angel. Speaking of our little angel, I bought her the dollhouse she's been sulking about.   
  
I reach home, and Asami isn't here yet. I check the time and it's past Ambili's school hours, maybe she went to pick our daughter up. I'm glad she's always there for our daughter. Now I'm thinking of something to make them both happy, maybe cook some dinner? I wonder what she wants, her favorite perhaps? Why not, I remember her craving for that when she was pregnant.   
  
Pregnant. When we first learned that the procedure succeeded, that became the third happiest day of my life. Well the first was when I met Asami, and second was our wedding day. Why suddenly am I thinking of these happy moments?   
  
I remember when I asked her to marry me, I was so nervous wreck. Forgot all the words my mom taught me and I got tongue tied. Whew! I'm glad that moment was over. I'm finally married to her. Wait. What? Did I just thought of that? Why suddenly I'm relieved that I'm married to her? Shouldn't I be thinking about our divorce? Think of ways how to explain it to our daughter? I shake the thoughts out of my mind.   
  
I hear Asami's car come to stop, I walk outside to greet them, it's time to play my role: The loving wife and mother.   
  
"Inay!!" Ambili cries.  "Oh you're home, you're home!!"  
She tightly wraps her tiny arms around me. Why am I feeling something in my gut?   
"Yes honey, I'm home. And I cooked us something for dinner."  
"Really?" She asks, her eyes are greener than Asami's, reminding me one of the things I love about her. There it goes again.  
  
Asami walks towards us, and I wonder if the smile she's wearing is true or just for a show. I stand up straight and kiss her, and damn memories flash back.

 

 

*********

  
_"Hey, do you mind parking your car over there?"_   _Man, can't he read the sign?_  
 _"And why would I do that?"  A female voice answers from inside. And I must say that I'm glad it's not some kind of a jerk who owns this car._  
_"Because your car happens to be parked in front of a "no parking" sign, for crying out loud! And- oh wooooooooow.."_

_My mouth fall wide open to the most delightful sight in front of me. A woman. A drop dead gorgeous woman. Stepping out from her expensive car._

  
_"You're saying something, officer?" Damn, why does her lips say every word so perfectly? This is unbelievable, a person can either be just gorgeous or attractive. One cannot be both._

  
_"I uh--- your car is in front of a "no parking" sign. Would you be so kind you to park it somewhere else? Please?"_

  
_Man, a woman like her always sends me down to my knees. Losing all my defenses._

  
_"Oh.. Okay. My apologies, I didn't see it when I was parking." There it goes again, I really wish right now that I know how to sign language, so that I won't have to listen to her lulling voice. But at the back of my mind I'm also thinking how would her fingers look like making all the signs, perhaps it would be like a pendulum swinging from side to side, hypnotizing me and-- shit!! Pull yourself together, Korra!!!_

  
_"Offfiiiceeerrr..." She calls, taking me back to reality, and after blinking for several times, I'm finally back down to earth. She then laughs, making me blush from head to foot._

  
_"Just please move your car somewhere else." I say, as I turn around and leave. It's the best idea I came up with to save myself from another set of embarrassment. I hear her turning her car on, thankfully she obliges to an officer of my kind, losing herself when facing such gorgeous woman._

 

*********

 

I take Asami's hand in mine while carrying my daughter, I walk them inside. I put down Ambili and she clings to my leg. "I got you!" She shouts. She seems so happy, I realize that I haven't seen my daughter like this for a long time. And the pang in my gut doubles.  
  
I walk behind Asami, I pull out her chair and assist her to her seat. She looks up at me, smiling. And I don't know what happened, because my lips now are on hers. Our daughter then squeaks "euwww! That's disgusting!" She covers her eyes with her hands. And we both laugh at her, yeah it was disgusting indeed. But it felt so right. I wonder how long I haven't been kissing my wife.   
  
My wife. I have forgotten the feel of it on my lips.  
  
I sit facing Asami, and Ambili requests to sit on my lap. She wants me to feed her. So I pick my little angel up and place her on my lap at the left side, she's giggling.  
  
"Say aahh.. Airplane's coming!" I say.  
"Aahh..." She opens her mouth widely, I smile as I see her incomplete set of teeth.  
"Like it?" I ask kissing her forehead.   
"Aha!!" She answers while wrapping her arms around my neck. Boy I miss this kid.   
"What else do you want?"  
"I want the spring roll!"  
"Aye aye captain."   
  
I turn to look at Asami, she's smiling. And damn, it melts my heart. I also smile, thinking how their smiles would always melt my heart.   
  
Suddenly I feel a contentment in my chest, it's the same feeling I felt when we first moved in to this house with Asami, the same thing I felt when I first held my daughter in my arms, I know what this is. I know the word.  
  
It's home.

 

 


	6. What Is This?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of cliffhanger won't hurt right?

We played our role satisfactorily yesterday, Korra being the loving mom to Ambili and a good wife to me. We were very good at hiding our real issues and blended well in front of our daughter, we talked, teased, laughed and kissed just like we used to, we acted normally and hid away the real situation. Of course, the guilt was there but seeing how this small role playing thing made my daughter danced happily made all the remorse worth it.

Sometimes, I'm wondering if Ambili is also playing the role of a good child, or if she's truly happy when we are all together as a family.

Because when I found out that Korra's been lying to me, trusting people became the hardest thing to do. Paranoia fills my mind, I can hear them talking behind my back, whispering words of sympathy, others are mocking at how stupid I am for closing my eyes to the reality. Even my workers are looking at me like I'm the lowest being they come across with.

But I don't blame them if they find my situation worth gossiping, I do feel bad of course, I'm just human after all. I want to cry, curse and I even want to drown or have the woman who stole Korra from me eaten by piranhas, but why bother? Dealing with her likes would only make me lesser than she is. Besides, I have a daughter and a company to worry about, I have too much in my plate to add her to it. And I've read that worrying about stuff like this would make me older. So, I just smile and go with the flow.

Now, I'm alone in my room, Korra took Ambili to school this morning and went to her work afterwards. I'm off today, this is suppose to be a relaxing day for me, but the pain is again killing me like it always does every damn morning. I'm all drained, being emotionally and physically hurt, sucks. All the pain reliever medications don't help. Everyday it's getting worse. And everyday new symptom occurs, this is harder than when I was pregnant with Ambili and had my morning sickness.

At least the morning sickness could be relieved by some herbal tea and by the food I wanted to eat. I smile at the memories when I was craving for something, even in the middle of the night, Korra went out searching for the meal I requested her, telling her not to show up without the items in her hands, and thankfully, she never did once fail me. Always coming home with it. What funnier was, whenever she's home with all the stuffs, my appetite had gone. But it didn't upset her, she's just laughing at how sudden my mood changed.

She's always been supportive and sweet. Someone I thought would never change, someone I thought would always stick by me in times like this when I need her the most. But right now she's not, she's somewhere with someone enjoying something.

My phone rings, and on the screen, it shows Mako's photo. I smile, at least he remembers me, unlike Korra.

"Hello, Mako." I answer, coughing.  
"Hi Asami. You don't sound so good there."  
"No, not really."  
"So, later?"  
"Yeah, later."  
"Okay, I'll pick you up at ten." With that, he hangs up.

After having a lot of sleepless nights, multiple breakdowns while I was at my factory, and a dozen of unexplained vomiting, I finally accepted Mako's advice to see a doctor to clear everything what's been happening to me.

So, here I am, sitting on a bench, waiting for my turn to be checked. At least there are less clients, and Mako's with me, somehow that relieves my anxiety. In front of me is a happy couple, the woman is rubbing her tummy and her husband is kissing her forehead, whispering soft words making the woman smile in happiness.

I feel an ounce of envy, Korra and I used to be like this. The sight in front of me, Tears me up. Sending me way back when we were still each other's happiness.

 

*********

 

 _"Asami?"_  
"Yeah?"  
"I uhm.." She clears her throat and there's a slight shade of pink on her cheeks, though the room is dim, I can still see her blushing.  
"What's on your mind?" I ask. Helping her out with what's been bothering her.  
"I.. Asami I.. Oh crap, you know I'm not always good with words and I'd rather punch things than talk it through, right?" I sit up, confused with what she's rambling about.  
"Aaand?" I ask, shrugging my shoulders. She sighs again, then she stands up, not minding her naked ass. She's looking for something in her messy drawer through her tangled clothes and unfolded jeans.

_I always find it amusing to see her stuffs like this. All untidy and crumpled, this is one of the things I always love about her. She shows her flaws, and never did once pretend what she's not. A real person they say._

_She stops when it seems that she finally found what she's been looking for and turns towards me. I sit ups straight giving her my full attention, as I wrap myself with the blanket. She walks back to our bed, and she kneels down in front of me. Suddenly I'm trembling, hyperventilating and I can feel my every organ trembles in excitement. "Korra?"_  
"Asami, I've been.. I've been uhm.. You and I.. And then I, you, we uhm.."  
"Korra?!"  
"Ye-yeah?"  
"Just spit it out already." I'm trying so hard, not to laugh right now, 'cause that would embarrass her further. But still I find it very adorable, seeing her lost in words, like a child memorizing her first poem.  
"Oh Asami, will you marry me?"  
"And why would I do that?" Her face turns pale, and I can feel her skin freezing. Seeing her like this makes me laugh harder than watching Mr Bean animated series.  
"What do you mean by that?"  
And that's it.. I can't take it anymore, I burst out laughing, sending my saliva fly all over her face, she then laughs with me, nervously.  
"I'm just kidding, silly. Of course I'll marry you. You don't know how long I've been waiting for this."  
"Oh you mean, you were just?"  
"Yes." I hug her so tightly, and when minutes ago I was my ass out, now I'm crying in the arms of the love of my life, my fiancé. Yes, that words feels really nice in my tongue. Fiancé.

 

*********

 

A year after our engagement, we got married. Our wedding wasn't extravagant, only our closest friends and families were invited. We also spent our honeymoon in a place nearest to our hometown, as I've requested. Korra funded all the expenses, she didn't allow me to spend for us, not even a single coin, telling me that she should be the one paying every penny for what was needed. I didn't argue with her, I know she's just protecting her ego, but on the other hand, it prided me knowing she knew her responsibility.

Then after three years of our marriage, we decided to have a child. When Ambili was born, we were the picture of a perfect happy family.

Reminiscing what we had is like squeezing lemon to a fresh wound. Why did our brain ever had the capacity to store memories? I wish I could invent something that would allow us to just forget the bitter memories and only save those that would paint a smile on our faces.

It's so weird that whenever we think of the crying times, we laugh. But when we think of the happy ones, we suddenly cry. And right now, I could cry a river.

Suddenly, I come to think of something that gives me some explanations as to what went wrong. Why did she do this to me? What have I done wrong? What did I miss? I've always been caring, thoughtful and would always put her needs first before mine. I don't deserve this, but I can't find the heart to hate her.. And what hurts even more is that somehow.. I still love her. wholeheartedly.

"Asami?" I jolt. It's Mako.  
"I'm sorry, did I startle you?" He must've noticed me zone out.  
"No. What is it?"

Mako stands beside me, offering his hand. "It's time, the doctor is calling you for your turn."  
He smiles, and for the first time in my life, I'm glad that he's here with me.

He leads me to the doctor's office, being the gentleman he is, he opens the door for me and allows me to come in first. I sit in front of Dr. Opal. An Ob Gyn. I actually know her personally, that's why I agreed for a check up. When she notices me, she smiles and gives me a hug.

"I knew it was you." She beams.  
"Well, there's no other Asami Sato in the world, is there?" I joke.  
"You bet. Hi Mako?" She frowns, and turns to me. "Where's Korra? I believe she's suppose to be here and not him."  
"Opal, I'll explain later. Let's just go down to business, please?"  
"Okay.. So tell me what's wrong.."

After I told her everything, she sends me for some laboratory work ups, and a couple of diagnostic procedure and instructs me to come back after a couple of days for the results. I'm really nervous about this, something in my gut tells me that something is wrong with me. But I still hope for the better..

Two days later, I return to Opal's clinic, still Mako is with me. He's been anxious about the results too, I know it also bothers him. And I'm thankful someone is with me, because honestly, I really can't do this alone.

I knock on her door, and she welcomes me in.

"Have a seat, 'Sami."  
"Thanks, Opal."  
"I have here all results with me.. It is clear why you're experiencing all of this, and.." She pauses, looking to where Mako is sitting. "If you don't mind Mako.." I cut her off before she can finish..  
"It's okay Opal.. It's fine with me to let him know this." I smile and Opal nods. Whatever this is, I want Mako to know it too. After all, he's been the person pushing me to do this.

"Okay, Asami. You're..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait. What?! Yeap. (Ö,)
> 
> I hope it's ok if I insert a short flash back in every update.


	7. The First Deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at how Korvira's affair started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A one full chapter about Korvira (FYI, I don't ship them, but what to do? we need a bridge to get through the next chapter. *sigh*).

Ambili’s genius mind showed when she was just two.

Her thinking was like of those five year old children, she's able to classify objects by a single feature, group together all the red blocks regardless of shape or all the square blocks regardless of colour.

Now she's four, well needless to say, her mind-set is of those seven year old kids. She talks a lot, asks a lot, tinkers a lot, explores and breaks and rebuilds a lot. She really inherits her mom's curiosity, which makes anyone she meets easily identify her as Asami's daughter. The saying like mother like daughter literally lives in them.

Time came when we decided to send our little angel to kindergarten. At first, we were worried about the idea of her going to school at a very young age, thinking that she's not ready yet to face the outside world, but she's proven us wrong when we see her being delighted by her new found friends, and how we couldn't make her stop babbling about what school looks like, what it feels like wearing those uniforms and telling us how exciting schools can be.

In her school, I met Ms kuvira, the kindergarten teacher. The mole under her right eye adds to her intimidating identity, her voice is deep and I just couldn't decipher how she ended up being a school teacher, because if you ask me, she’s more suitable for a high rank position at the military. Her posture is straight, and she has this habit of pacing back and forth with her hands behind her back, while the children are lined up in front of her, really, like a five-star general summing and sizing up her new recruits. But what attracts me the most, is her confident demeanor, not to mention how neatly she tucks her blouse in her always black pencil cut skirt. She also has this glare that could make you straighten your wrinkled clothes whenever she side glances at you. And lastly, her round firm ass that sways seductively when she walks, something that could make anyone go whistling "whitwhew".

Months passed and I grew fond of her. Her deep voice is gradually registering in my head, her laugh that could scare all the crows away is something eventually becoming music to my ears. Her style is nothing like Asami's, and she's always talking about something that I really find interesting, her glare that once I described as a military's becomes something that I enjoy seeing. I'm not into a domineering woman, but with her, I could try to be submissive.

Day by day, I would always find an excuse to convince Asami that I'd pick Ambili up from her school, just to have a word or two with Ms Kuvira. It's strange at first how noticeably I'm becoming more interested in her.

I spend almost an hour everyday talking to her on my phone while I'm not busy at work, the talk is casual, no flirting involved, just a friendly talk. I'd ask her about my daughter and in return she would ask about me, and my married life. It's not really my intention to know her better, but our everyday conversation leads me to that. And I've learned that she's not what she reflects herself to be or what everyone describes her. She has goodness in her, she's been through a lot. I've learned that she's an orphan, not knowing who or where her real parents are, or why they left her in an orphanage. Later she was adopted and grew up in a loving family but never once considered herself to be part of it. She struggled a lot to be where she is right now, and that her strong personality is just a mask she wears to hide the scarred person behind her. I feel sorry for her, and I find myself relating to what she's been through. I was also once a broken person three years before Asami and I became official. We have a lot of similarities and the differences we have only make us comfortable with each other.

Our telephone talk became personal, and sometimes, we would go out for lunch or I'd just drop by and bring her coffee. People don't seem to think that something is going on between us, because sometimes, Asami knows some of our meetings, but not the coffee treat.

I even gave her a watch on teachers' day, and on her birthday, I gifted her a necklace.

Seeing her and talking to her become a part of my daily routine, something that I always look forward to everyday. Though I always want to spend time with her, my relationship with Asami hasn't changed. We still make time for each other, go out on a date, kiss and cuddle and make love whenever we get the chance to. But what I notice recently is something weird, I begin to wonder what would it feel like running my hands on Kuvira's thigh or how would she scream my name when I get inside her or how would she react when I get to pin her behind her classroom door. I often find myself daydreaming about her. It's strange, but the thought of her always paints a smile on my face.

I always wanted to ask her out but I couldn't make the first move because of the shiny thing I wear on my left hand's fourth finger, so when I sense that she's also into me I immediately ask her out for a coffee. I don't want this opportunity to just slip away without trying.

"So, tomorrow then?"  
"You got it." I say, grinning. We stand for sometime, not saying a word, we just continue to stare, letting our eyes converse, the twinkles in our eyes has said what our tongue couldn't say out loud. I know that we are staring to each other for a remarkable length of time, that's why my daughter is already tugging on my jacket saying that she now wants to go home.

Ah yes, home. I'm going home to my true owner, my wife. Tomorrow is something I look so much forward to.

 

*********

 

"Any plans for tomorrow, Love?" I ask Asami, intertwining our fingers.  
"Actually, I'll be having a special meeting tomorrow. I hope you understand?" She asks me, hopeful that I won't get upset.

Of course I don't mind, I'll also be having my own "special meeting" myself.

"Of course not, Love. I understand, and don't worry about it, there's always a next day, right?" I say with a fake disappointment written on my face. I hope I wear my poker face effectively. I can't allow her to see how my heart is jumping from excitement for tomorrow, so I need to act a little bit of upset.

She nods and continues to dig in her plate. Ambili is playing with her own food, I'm glad that she's Kuvira's pupil. Because she becomes my legal pass in seeing Ms Kuvira everyday at school.

Kuvira, her name is becoming my tongue's favorite feel.

 

*********

 

When I wake up the next morning, Asami is already gone, but she left a note on my bedside table.

"Love, I'm sorry I have to go early. I didn't wake you up, because I know just how much you hate mornings. I love you and I'll see to it to make this up to both of you, especially to you."

Oh I don't mind at all, because like I said, I'd be having my own special meeting today. I grab my phone and send a quick text to Asami; "love you more, and I can't wait to see you later to know how you will make this up to me."

Not waiting for My wife's reply, I change the SIM card in my phone and dial Kuvira’s number. She doesn't answer after the second call, so I dial her number again and when she finally does, I am rewarded by her deep sultry voice which makes my heart skip a beat.

"Hey."  
"Hi. Are we still up for a hot cup of coffee later?" She puts an extra accent on the word hot and I know exactly what she means by that.  
"Of course.. I'm actually getting ready and I think you should too."  
"I thought we're meeting at one? Why the sudden change of time?"  
"Oh let's just say the earlier the better."  
"I see. So, see you then." With that I hang up and jump off the bed. I'm going out for a date.

While driving my way to our meeting place, I cannot stop the grin on my face that it already hurts. I left Ambili under Bolin's care, whom after I did a lot of bargaining and had some settled conditions, agreed to do me a favor of taking care of his niece, and I told Asami that I have an important thing to attend to, thankfully she believed it, saving my ass from a whole lot of explanations.

From afar, I can see a figure pacing back and forth, the gesture I know only belongs to her, and it only makes the grin I have to grow wider, tearing my face apart. I park my car, not far from her, and I know she notices me when she stands still, hands at her back. Her outfit is simple, not very like Asami's, a simple woman with an overwhelming aura.

She looks at me from head to foot, satisfied by the sight, she smiles and nods and gestures for to me to come closer. She pulls me by my collar and whispers in my ear.

"Change of plans, let's go to my place." With a gentle push on my chest we both share a look that tells everything of what is to be done next. And the grin I hid earlier returns to its place on my face.

I don't know how we ended up in her place, inside her bedroom, on her bed, under the thick blankets, tangled in each other's limbs and panting. I can't remember the time I drive here, it all happened so fast, I also can't remember how I manage to take off all my clothes or hers, and my eyes only grew wider as I see my favorite grey T-shirt lying on the floor with a big rip in front.

A hand snakes at my nape, and it pulls me down to look into her eyes. Her eyes are not like Asami's, they have a different shade of green, while Asami's have this vibrant glow of bright green, hers have the dark shade of fern green. I let myself get lost in it, and with a half closed lids, I connected my mouth with hers and savor the lust that's consuming ourselves.

Later that night, as much as I enjoy Kuvira's company, it's time to call it a day, because I need to leave and be home with my family. But before that, I make sure that there's no any remnants of our activities left in every inch of me and I'm going to buy the same shirt I wore when I came here. I figure it's better than borrow one of hers, because that would only make Asami suspicious and right now, that's the last thing I want to happen.

I know I'm married to Asami, she loves us and provides us everything, clothes, roof over our heads, food in our tummy and I'm thankful for that, I love her, don't get me wrong. But there's just something about Kuvira that draws me closer to her. Something like a current that stirs me to her direction, that even if I fight it, I still allow myself to be stirred to her.

It's already 2AM, I really lost track of time. I hope Asami is asleep already, because right now, I really don't have an excuse as to why I'm late, and I can't think of anything, other than Kuvira's voice, screaming my name.

I slowly open the door, sneaking my way inside our home, I sigh in relief when I see Asami's office is closed and dark, telling me that she's not working late again. Naga senses me and whines, I hush her down before she runs to me and lick my face, I'm tired for that right now.

My sight has not adjusted to the darkness yet, so I pull out my phone and use it as a source of light as I make my way to the kitchen and get myself something to drink to relax my nerves down, I've been nervous since I enter the house, I feel like a criminal who just broke out of prison right now. So a bottle of beer might help, I say.

As I am about to turn to where the fridge is, I freeze in place as I see Asami leaning against the kitchen counter, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Where have you been?" She asks, not looking at me. "I've been worried sick, Korra! You're out of reach and you left Ambili with Bolin for almost a day!"

"Hey calm down." I say, stepping closer to her.  
"Calm down? How can I calm down? You never left your phone off before and you certainly never left Ambili that long without telling me. What's going on with you?"

I'm sorry Asami. Yeah I totally forgot about our daughter and I absolutely forgot about putting my SIM card back because I really had a good time with Ms Kuvira.

"I'm sorry, Love, I just caught up with paper works, and the new case Chief assigned to me is unsettling."

She doesn't answer, and I'm praying right now to every spirit hovering in our house for Asami to buy this lame excuses of mine. Because if she wouldn't, I'd be dead.

"Fine. Just please don't do this again." She walks towards me, " You know I'd be damned if anything bad happens to you, or to our daughter." She says calmly while cupping my face and pressing our foreheads.

I exhale the heaviest breath in my life at that moment. "I won't, I promise."

"Have you eaten? I'll prepare you something to eat, if you want."

Oh I'm so full right now.

"Actually, I'm up to something different." I wink as I scoop her in my arms and carry her upstairs to our bedroom.

I do hope that there's still energy left in me after the strenuous activity with Kuvira to convince Asami that I miss making love to her.

This is my first deception, my conscience is screaming that this should be the last, but my heart whispers that this is just the beginning.


	8. Changes in You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some scenes are non-chronological, just want to point out the changes in Korra when she's already in an affair with the great uniter.
> 
> Special mention to Ms GinaBeana. Hope u enjoy this. (;

"Ambili, stop that I said!!" I rush downstairs when I hear Korra's voice ring through the house.

Korra shouts. I can't believe what I see and hear. She yells at our daughter. Her eyes are wide and full of rage. I'm surprised she hasn't laid a hand on her yet.

"Korra! What's wrong with you?" I ask, as I crouch for Ambili to come to me. She's crying and saying sorry to her Inay.

Korra doesn't move or say anything, she gives us one last annoyed glare then leaves. I don't want to stop her, she isn't Korra. She's not the person I married.

"What happened, sweetie?" I ask my daughter. She's still crying and can't form the words to tell me what she did to make Korra react like that. So I carry her to her bedroom and sooth her as I cuddle her to sleep. Her eyes are puffy and tears continuously flow even though she's asleep. I wonder what she did to provoke Korra. Whatever it was she didn't have to be that harsh to our daughter. I've never heard her raise her voice like that. It's like she's a different person.

I spend the whole day waiting for her and comforting our child. I call her phone, but she doesn't answer. I send message after message but she doesn't reply to even one of them. I'm worried sick. I want to go out and look for her but I don't know where to start, so I wait.

 

*********

 

My phone vibrates , and I jump out of my seat when I see Korra's photo on the screen. I check the time, it's three in the morning.

"Korra? Where are you?!"  
"I'm fine, Asami."

Asami? Since when did she call me by my name?

"Hey, listen I won't be home tonight."

Tonight? It's already three Korra, I think to myself.

"I have some important things to do here at the office."  
"Okay. But when will you come home?"  
"Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, I don't know. I'll be home when I'm at the doorstep already, okay? I have to go now. Bye."  
"Wait!! Hello? Korra?!!"

I stare at my phone.. I can't believe she just hung up without saying her whereabouts or what she’s busy with. She didn’t even say I love you.

"What's happening to you?" I whisper.

 

*********

 

"Love, did you change your laptop's password?"  
"Uhmmm yeah?"  
"Oh.. Why? Did anyone see it?"  
"No. But I think it's safer to change it every now and then, right?"  
"Yeah I guess you're right.. Here.." I hand her the laptop for her to enter the code for me but she just stares at it and back at me.  
"Why do you need the code?" She asks defensively.  
"Because I need to open my file? I say, raising my brow.  
"Geez Asami, you have your own computer in your office. And can't I have a little privacy here?" She snaps and it shocks me. She stands and walks out on me, taking the damn thing with her.

Ambili is looking at me and I feel embarrassed in front of my daughter.

"What's wrong with her" I say, under my breath.

 

*********

 

Ambili is finally sleeping after asking me to give her bath, trying on her some of my make up, and making me sing her all her favorite songs.

I feel exhausted, but being a parent is rewarding. It's a profession like no other. No pay, no vacation leave, no days off, and no time outs. I work twenty-four hours a day, seven-days a week. I don't complain though. I love raising my daughter; she's the best thing that ever happened to me, next to Korra of course.

After I put my little angel to bed, I prepare the things I need to surprise my wife. It's our eighth anniversary tonight. I originally planned to celebrate this in the most romantic place I know, but a better idea came to my mind, and so the change of plans.

I change our sheets, put on a light make up, and slip to my alluring night dress. Now all that's left is the person I'm excitedly waiting for.

I'm glad that my long wait is over when I see her get out of her car and walk inside our home. I hear her coming upstairs, humming. My heart begins to go crazy. Even after eight years of marriage I still feel nervous when I'm expecting us to make love on a such a special occasion.

She opens the door, and my excitement suddenly turns to worry when I'm greeted by a drunk Korra.

"Korra? What happened?! Where have you been?"  
"Not now, please."  
"Why are you drunk?"  
"I'm not drunk."  
"Well you're not sober either. Korra, what's going on? You've been like this for months now!" I sigh, not letting my anger do the talk for me. "Love, I'm your wife, just please tell me what's wrong."  
"Asami please!! Just not now okay? I'm tired and I just wanna go to bed."

I'm taken aback by her blunt words.

"You don't remember, do you?" I ask, my throat begins to sour as I hold back my disappointment from showing.

"Remember what, Asami?! What's with all this drama now?!"  
"Korra it's our damn anniversary tonight!! I didn't expect you to remember because you've always been forgetful. I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong, because when I decided marry you, I also decided to marry all your flaws. But this? I didn't expect this to happen. I didn't expect you to come home drunk and not even give a shit to what I did for us!!"

I can't hold myself back anymore, I let all the annoyances I've been bottling up spill out. If she can't read my actions, then I guess words are the only option to tell her how hurt I am for always being ignored and neglected.

"Asami.. I.."  
"Save it Korra."  
"No, please..." She's embracing me now and I just hate it so much how her touch always calms me down. "I'm sorry.. If I hurt you. I really didn't mean it, you know that, right?"  
I nod, as I let myself relax in her embrace. She starts kissing me, and it just feels so right.

 

*********

 

Korra and I had really great sex. Her kiss was more heated and her hands roamed my body like they never did before. She kneaded my every inch of me with so much lust and hunger. It felt so good, so right as our tongues collided with each other, teeth biting lower lips until they became swollen. Our necks full of hickies, hair disheveled and bodies firmly pressed together with hips grinding intimately.

She was like someone else. Like some kind of a wild animal feeding on her prey. I let myself get lost in ecstasy until she whispered the name of someone I know so well.

“Kuvira.”

In the middle of my release my eyes shot open, but it was not because of the pleasure. It was because of the shock and disbelief. My mouth was wide open. I tried to scream but no words came out. I tried to push her off of me but she was determined to destroy me. A stream of tears clouded my vision as I allowed her to continuously assault my feelings with the name she kept whispering to my ear.

She didn’t seem to notice what she whimpered and kept on with what she was doing to me. For a second, I literally felt my heart shatter. The pleasure I felt became bittersweet.

 

*********

 

I wake up with a sleeping Korra beside me. She looks so peaceful and tired. I want to wake her up and ask her why she called that name in the middle of our lovemaking, but what for? I’m sure shes just going to make up excuses and feed me lies. I’m not stupid, I’m a genius. Shit, I know exactly what’s going on. No need for confrontations or confessions. A wife knows when their partner is cheating, and right now, I know she is cheating.

As my heart clenches in my chest I stare at her, silently asking why.

She shifts her position, facing away from me as she mumbles softly, “Stop it, Kuv. it tickles..”

At that moment, I finally understand the meaning of a broken heart.

My mind is flooded with thousands of thoughts. My lungs don’t want to expand anymore. I hope out of desperation for this to not be real but my mind tells me that this is what it is. And no matter how loud I plead for her not to cheat on me it will never reach her ears.

She’s been corrupted by unfaithfulness. and there’s just nothing I can do about it.

I swallow the lump formed in my throat as I stand and make my way to the bathroom. I'm going to wash myself. I don't want anything from her body to stick on mine. It’s not all Korra’s anymore, it’s already stained by some slut.

I don’t want her touch, her scent, her kiss, her name. I hate it all.

I roughly scrub my body, I don’t care if it bruises or bleeds, I just want to be clean. I’d even shower with hot boiling water if I have to and just hope for it to wash all the agony away.

The thought of her sleeping with another woman makes my knees weak. I cry silently as I lean against the wall and slide down to sit on the floor. I try my hardest to convince myself that this is not getting the best of me. But I failed. This is getting the best of me.

 

*********

 

“We can’t keep doing this.”  
“Why not?”  
“You know why, I’m married, Kuv.”  
“So you want to stop this and just leave me?”  
“You know that’s not what I want.”  
“What do you want then?”  
“You. I want you and I can’t imagine my life without you in it anymore.”  
“Then divorce her.”  
“What? Are you insane?”  
“Why not? I thought you loved me?”  
“I do, but.. what about my daughter?”  
“Korra, Asami got pregnant by someone else. The child she bore is technically not yours.”

For a moment I let Kuvira's words to sink in. She’s right, Ambili is not really mine to worry about when I divorce Asami.

“You’re right.”  
“So?”  
“Okay.. I’m going to tell her."  
"Tell what exactly?"  
"Tell her that I’m not happy anymore, and I’m going to leave her to be with you. I love you, Kuv.”  
“I love you too, Korra.”

 

*********

 

I'm tidying up my office at home, I keep all the previous blueprints in a big box, ready to be kept away in the closet.

I gather them all and bring them to the other room where I keep my old stuffs. As I am about to hold the knob, I hear Korra, talking to someone inside. I quietly twist the knob but surprised when I find it locked from inside, so I knock.

"Korra? Are you there?"  
"Oh shit!" I heard her squeaks. "Just a sec, Love."  
"Okay.."  
"Hey.. What's up?"  
"What are you doing there inside?"  
"Uhmm... I was cleaning the room?"  
"Oh.. I thought you were talking to someone. And why the door was locked?"  
"And what's that suppose to mean Asami?"  
"What do you mean what's that suppose to mean?"  
"You're implying that I'm talking to someone and I'm not telling it to you and I'm hiding here by locking up the damn room!" She snaps.  
"Korra? I never said anything like that." I keep my voice low.  
"Yes you did! Well guess what? Get inside and clean this stinking room. I'm not gonna clean all your mess here!!"  
"Korra?! What's gotten into you?"  
"Oh forget it!!"

 

*********

 

The spark between us is slowly dying out. No more dates; no more ‘I love you’. Her embrace that was once so warm and tight became cold and loose.

I often find myself zoning out in the middle of my meetings. Focus is now something so hard to do.

Now that I've connected the dots, it all comes into view.  
I now know all the reasons why I see these changes in you.


	9. What I Did to Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's look to what Korra's unfaithfulness did to Asami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to where I left u hanging, guys.

"Asami, you're..."

Opal sighs and it's not a good sign.

"under a lot of stress right now."

She says, while holding my hand. I sigh in relief that this isn't that serious.

"However.."

However?

"There's still one last diagnostic procedure I'd like you to undergo. It's not urgent though. You don’t have to rush, but I’d like you to get an MRI. I also want you to see another specialist because this is beyond my speciality already. You're gynecological labs cleared, so I've ruled those issues out. Maybe this is something..” she glances at Mako. She doesn’t really like Mako, because she’s an avid fan of Korra; hell she’d even kill for her.

“Something you need to tell Korra. “

Korra, does she even care?

"Okay.. thank you, Doc Sandy." I mock and Opal just squeezes my hand harder. I stand up preparing to leave, gesturing for Mako to follow me.

“And Opal?” I turn around.  
“Yes, Ms Sato?”  
“Don’t tell this to Korra. I know you, you’re loyal to her.”  
“Actually, I’m loyal to Korrasami.” Opal grins, and I feel my heart sink to my butt. If only she knew that there’s no more Korrasami.

“Thanks, Opal.”

Actually, between Opal and I, we share a secret communication medium. By just a hand squeeze she already told me everything about my condition. She just didn’t want to Mako to know, and neither did I, so I’m thankful that we developed this silent language.

“So..” Mako begins. He looks away, not sure if he wants to continue or what.  
“Spit it out Mako..”  
“When are you going to do that MIR?”  
“It’s MRI, Mako..” I snort.  
“Yeah, what you said. When?”  
“I actually don’t need it. I already know what’s going on, that's why I told you before that seeing a doctor was pointless.”  
“Oh yeah? How? I know you are a genius Mrs. Puffs, but I didn’t know that you can do a visual scan of yourself.”

Amusement is evident in his voice. I bet he’s forgotten about my mom. I don’t want to remember her, so I just laugh lightly to his joke.

"Let's just say it's in our blood, Squidward."  
"I guess it is. And I really hate that nickname of mine!"

 

*********

 

Earlier I was amused by Mako's attempt to lighten up my mood, now I'm drenched in my own tears inside my car. It’s already one in the morning, and I’m alone in my office parking lot. Everyone had left hours ago. My secretary paused on her way out and asked me if I was going to stay late again. She knew what was going on at home and was concerned about me.

I was so occupied with Opal's advice that I forgot to call Korra earlier this afternoon to ask about my daughter. I mean I could have if I wanted to before it got too late but I really didn't have the heart to do so. I'm sure she wouldn't let Ambili be stranded at school.

I want Korra to be here beside me. Oh how I wish she was here keeping me from breaking down. I want her warmth; I want her mouth in my mine. I try to imagine that she's here looking for me, checking every room of the tower when she couldn't find me in my office. But when I open my eyes, reality sets in. I'm all alone in my parking spot.

I sigh, "What did I ever do to deserve this?"

I wipe away the last remnants of my tears and retouch some make up. I can't look like a zombie while driving, since the car I’m using does not have tinted windows. I may be shattered inside, but I still have a reputation to maintain. I can't let the public know that the boss of the biggest company in RC is a mess while driving. So I compose myself. I inhale and exhale and I'm ready to hit the road wearing my best poker face.

I shake the thought of her while I drive. I can't think of Korra, the thought of her is more dangerous than driving while drunk. I know my life is already fucked up but I don't want to die, I still have a daughter worth living for. As my mind focuses back to the road, I stop as the traffic light turns red. I run my fingers through my hair in irritation, almost scraping my scalp, I really don't like to stop driving as it only makes think of her.

Sixty seconds of red light feel like one hour.. finally it turns to orange, then green. I immediately shifted into gear and press the accelerator as hard as I can to make my car fly. I really enjoy driving. It makes me feel in control and helps to clear my head.

As my eyes take in my surroundings I see flashing lights around a board that reads “Republic City’s Nights.” I unconsciously swerve to where it is.

I never noticed this small establishment before, but the faded paint on its wall tells me that this building is not new and has seen its better days. What intrigues me is the loud pulsating sound coming from the inside. I'm guessing that this place is a nightclub. I park my car in a lot full of cars.

I walk inside the club and the smell of smoke and sweat and of too many people hurts my nose. The most disgusting smell that I catch is the smell of sex. Neon flashing light also hurt my eyes while the loud music assaults my ears. I don't know how people enjoy this kind of place.

I see a wide stairway going to the second floor. That area looks somewhat less crowded, perhaps I can appreciate this place upstairs. I make my way through the throng of people and upstairs. As I reach the top, my eyes land on an empty barstool at a counter. The loud music isn't defeating at all so maybe I could stay there.

As I sit, I scan again the crowd again and let my eyes adjust to the imminent darkness, tomblike and womb like at the same time. Bright spots of neon beer signs on the wall stand out, illuminating the faces of the crowd, while others disappear into the contrasting blackness.

"What does a pretty lady like you like to drink?" Says the guy, he's probably the bartender.  
"Do you have.." I pause not knowing what to order. " Do you have anything that would make my headache go away?"

He smiles and nods, whatever he's thinking I really I don't know. Maybe people come here to do the same thing I want to do right now and that makes him understand everything. After a few moments, he comes back with a small glass. I lift it up to my nose and take a whiff. The smell is intoxicating. I gulp and with a swift swig, I toss its contents into my mouth and swallow hard. I close my eyes shut to contain the sting in my throat, and when I open them I smile at the new sensation I'm feeling.

I order another. I'm going to love this place, I think.

 

*********

 

I make it home just before dawn breaks and I'm little drunk. What Opal told me was something I needed alcohol to forget. I'm not really into drinking or smoking but this is better than to deal with my problems all by myself. So yeah I had few drinks.. and after one too many, I felt my head spin. It's a different kind of spin though, not like the ones I've been having since I found out about Korra's infidelity. It's certainly not like the ones I've been having every morning.

How I manage to reach my house in one piece I don't know, because with my state, I can't even properly steady my hand to unlock the door. So I support my hand with my other hand, and with my tongue sticking out a bit, I am able to insert the key to the lock. I sigh in relief and take a few deep breaths before I push the door open. Once inside I get a bit of a surprise to see Korra waiting for me.. on the couch and asleep..

It's kind of sweet of her to stay here and wait for me. At least that's how it seems, but the thought of Kuvira's hands roaming around her body disgusts me, making me throw up again.

And yes, I threw up, right here, waking up my cheating wife from her deep sleep.

"Asami?! What happened? Are you drunk?"

I blink for a few times, and as I feel my eyelids grow heavier with each blink, I finally close my eyes and drift off.

 

*********

 

The pounding pain in my head wakes me up.. and I gasp as I catch on that I'm on my bed, with my clothes changed to my night gown.

I search for the clock and my eyes land on a figure leaning against the door frame.

"You're awake.."  
"Yes, guess I am.. Where's Ambili?"  
"She's in her room.."  
"Oh.. What time is it?"  
"It's already four."  
"What?! And you didn't wake me up?"  
"You were drunk, Asami. Waking you up at your usual time would be devastating.. By the way, why were you drunk? And you smelled like uhm.. Did you smoke?"  
"What if I did?"  
"Asami, what's going on?"

Is she serious? She's asking me what's going on when she's fully aware what's been going on?

"What's going on on? You tell me what's going on, Korra!!"  
"I know what's going on Asami, what I mean is why are you drinking? This is so unlike you, even when you... even when you found out, you never drank."  
"Korra, we're getting divorced in one week, so stop acting like a concerned wife!!"

She takes a step back after she heard me snapping. I am also shocked with how I reacted. She's right, I'm not like myself anymore.

She lets out a sigh and walks out of our room, leaving me and my pounding head alone. This headache is more intense. Maybe because of the alcohol, or Lack of sleep, or am I getting worse? I don't know, and I think luck is not at my side right now because yesterday I forgot to buy my pills. Right now I'm in no shape to drive and buy my medications and I can't just ask Korra to buy them because up until now she's unaware of them.

"Stupid, stupid!!" I say under my breath. I was supposed to have a staff meeting at nine, now I'm all screwed up. What are they going to think? That their boss overslept and completely and carelessly forgotten about the meeting? Great. I might as well get a hammer and pound at my head to death.

I spent the whole afternoon in my room. I'm still unable to stand up without my sight spinning or throwing up. I feel horrible.. I thought booze was supposed to make me feel better, but my incessant headache is proof otherwise.

I frustratedly throw the sheets away that's been covering me. The bathroom door seems like a hundred miles away from the bed as I wobbled my way to it. I manage to stand properly by holding onto the furniture. As I'm about to enter the bathroom something rushes from my lungs to my nose. My eyes widen in dread when I feel blood dripping from my nose. I hurriedly go into the bathroom, no one has to see me like this.

I wipe my nose with my trembling hands, I hope no one comes in. I press my nose for a few minutes and I'm thankful it has stopped bleeding. This is getting worse indeed.

 

*********

 

At dinner, we continue our show, but there’s something off. Asami’s smiles are more forced than usual. Ambili doesn’t seem to notice and I think Asami is unaware that her hidden concerns are showing. I don’t comment because being a worried spouse is not part of the show. So I eat silently. Some of Ambili's food spills out of her plate and Asami’s is hardly touched, she’s just separating the meat from the veggies. She doesn't notice me observing her and glancing every now and then.

CRASH!!

Ambili’s plate fell. Asami slams her hand on the table and yells at our daughter. It's like Ambili has broken her favorite antique vase making her so mad. She cries as Asami grips her tiny arm.

“Asami calm down youre hurting her.” I say, keeping my voice as low as possible. I don’t want to scare my daughter too.

"Back off Korra!!” She growls.  
“No, youre hurting her!”  
“And you’re not?” She snaps. Silence engulfs us. I force myself to say anything, but all the words have died out. We all freeze in place for a second. Ambili pulls herself from the grip, running behind me. But I don't move, still stunned by Asami’s sudden outburst. I've never seen her like this. She's always composed and calm, but now, it's like she's possessed.

Moments later Asami came to her senses..

“Honey, I’m so sorry.”  
“No, don't touch me!!!” Ambili cries out not wanting to go to her. I stand between them and it takes a lot of self control not to pull them both in my arms and tell them that everything’s going to be okay. Before it was the easiest thing to do, to just hold them both and comfort them, but now, it has become the most foreign gesture for me.

Asami is staring to nothing, arms around herself, she wipes her eyes and turns around still trying to hide her emotions from me. I know that she’s not okay. Something’s bothering her, and whatever it is, I'm going to find out.

The night passes slowly. I stay in Ambili’s room, cuddling my baby as she cries herself to sleep, still hurt from what her mom did to her. I explained to her that mom was just upset with something else and it wasn't because she broke the plate. That she just had a lot bottled up and was triggered to spill it out by the sudden crash. Thankfully, she’s a smart child. She understood what I told her and she said that she forgave her mom. It breaks my heart to see my two ladies crying. I contemplate the situation and I know that with everything going on, I'm the root of it all.

She’s asleep now, her little fist loosening tells me so. I kiss her rosy cheek and make my way off her bed quietly. I’m going to deal with Asami in the other room now.

As I approach our room, I can feel my heart thumping in my chest. It feels like it doesn't want to bear another heartbreaking scene. I hold it still, clenching my ffist on my shirt.

“Asami?” There’s no answer, but the light coming from the balcony tells me that she’s there, as usual.

“Is she asleep?” She asks, not turning around. She’s drinking something. I can tell it’s alcohol and she's smoking. Since when did she start drinking and smoking?  
“Yeah, she is.”  
“How’s her arm?”  
“It’s okay, no bruise, no nothing. She’s our child; she’s tough.” I joke, trying to neutralize the sour thick air between us, but she doesn't answer.  
"How much did you have?" I ask with pure concern.  
"It's none of your business." She snaps and I flinch.  
"I'm gonna sleep in her room."  
"No, you're drunk and you need to rest.. and I don't want her to wake up without me, I don't want her to cry."  
"And since when did you care about that?! Look here, the moment you choose to be with Kuvira is the same moment you stopped caring about us! So stop pretending to be worried because clearly you are not!! "

Silence surrounds us again, and I don’t have the courage to stare back into her eyes. The words stab me right straight to my gut. She pushes past me, as I stand blocking her way in. Minutes passed since Asami went out to Ambili's room, but I'm still here standing and haven't moved even an inch.

I can hardly recognized the person Asami has become, and I began to wonder how long I haven’t seen her. Is it months? Years? The only thing that told me that she's Asami is the clothes she wears. There are dark circles under her eyes, her bright green eyes are now dull and fixed, the once smooth face is now blemished by the fine lines. Her authoritative aura is no longer intimidating. Her lips are chapped, her nails are unmanicured, and her skin is now dry. She gets angry at anything, even little childish things Ambili does aggravates her. She's always nagging and always annoyed.

Lots have changed in her, and when did she start smoking and drinking. Did I really make her do all these things?

I sigh as my chest becomes heavy. Is it guilt? I don't know what I'm feeling right now.

My phone rings, and I inhale deeply and exhale heavily, hoping for the weight in my chest to be drawn out as I sigh. I really can't talk to her right now.

"Where are you?"  
"I'm at home, why?"  
"Are you with her?"  
"No, I'm not.. She's uhm... upstairs. Why?"  
"I'm bored..How many days left, Korra?"  
"Kuvs, we just started yesterday.. We still have, like six days? Don't get too excited."  
"Can you blame me if I want you all to myself?"  
"Patience.. We'll get through this."  
"You're the one to talk about patience.. Ms. Patience."  
"By the way, I saw you earlier talking to someone this morning.. Who was he?"  
"Which one? I talked to a lot of people this morning.."  
"The one with thick glasses and a goatee?"  
"You mean Baatar?"  
"Yeah if that's his name.. He was so close to you.. Almost touching your hands.."  
"Oh someone's jealous.."  
"I'm not Kuvs.. I just don't like him."  
"And why's that?"  
"Nothing.. Just stay some distance from him.."  
"Whatever."

As I stare at my phone, my mind goes back to Asami, and I silently ask myself what I did to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeyyyy... Sorry if I updated later than ususal.. I uhm, got stuck in a quicksand and was there inside for a couple of weeks. 
> 
> I'm sorry again if this chapter didn't meet your expectations, I'm kind of busy with something.. And, maybe I won't be able to update sooner after this until I'm done with my exam. 
> 
> So, as always, I'm so thankful to those who took the time to read this. 
> 
> Also, to my friend, Buddha1800, thanx for checking my story. I know You're busier than I am. 
> 
> Aaand, yes, haha.. I know I still haven't told u what's with Asami.. Perhaps later, I'll think about it. Lol


	10. She's Not with Mako

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A faint beam of light enlightens Korra's foggy mind.

I left home this morning right before the first ray of sun struck the horizon. I didn't sleep well last night. All I did on my bed was stare at the ceiling trying to force sleep into my system, but it never did. What Asami told me kept playing in my head like a broken record.

The way she acted yesterday was something I never imagined. She was someone else. I hardly recognized her. Perhaps the time I spent with Kuvira made me unaware of what's been going on with her, or was it the time I spent with Kuvira that changed her? I haven't realized that I've been away from them until she slapped me with those words.

Still I cannot figure out this feeling.. Something is off and I'm dying to know what it is, or at least to have a few hints.

Whatever it is, one thing's for sure. This is all my fault, no one else is to blame.

I came to Kuvira’s home with the hope that she could help me clear my head. Perhaps I'm looking for someone to comfort me, but I was disappointed because she's not in the mood. She’s babbling nonsense and getting on my nerves. I shouldn’t be surprised by her attitude. I mean she's always like this.

I even ask myself why I slept with her in the first place. She's sitting across the table from me and I can hear her talking endlessly, but my focus is not on her.

Since when did you care about that?

 I ask myself that question too. Since when? Since when did I sleep beside my child? Since when was the last time I read her favorite bedtime stories? When was the last we cuddled and played till she's out for the night? When was the last time we spent time together as a family? Since when was the last time I slept with Asami?

"Korra?!!"  
"Huh?! What?! Kuvira! I almost choked on my coffee!!"

 She rolls her eyes. "And since when did you care about that?"

 "What?! What did you say?" I ask again, because I'm not sure what I heard.

"I said, since when did coffee choke someone?"

 "Oh.." I say, relieved that I heard her wrong. She rolls her eyes and leans back with a thud upset that my attention is not on her.

"You know, you’re acting like my students right now. Physically present but mentally absent. So tell me detective, what's bothering you? "

 "Well it's about Asami.. She.. Never mind.." I did not continue. I know talking about Asami would upset Kuvira, and I really don't want to deal with an upset Kuvira right now.

"So it's about Asami huh? Tell me about it.." She says, staring straight at me. I gape, not sure if I'm going to continue this. I don't like where this is going.

"I think Asami's sick.."

"Is she? Have you considered asking Mako?"

"What? Why would I do that?"

"Mako is Asami's little lover." She says while munching on cookies like what she just said was so natural to say.

Asami's little lover.. What she says upsets me and I feel a pang of jealousy in my chest. Why would I feel that? I'm with Kuvira now, so why feel that strange feeling?

"Wha-what do you mean?"

"What do I mean? You mean you don't know?"

I shake my head, unable to form a word to ask her.

"I've seen Asami with Mako several times in front of Opal's clinic. You said there's something off about her for a few months now. I would think that she's--"

"Stop! Just stop.."

For a second I pause, as storm starts to rumble inside me. It can't be true. She can't be... I cannot say the words even in my mind. She can't be.. She can't be pregnant...

Voices in my head are still fighting.. Emotions contradicting each other. My mind says I shouldn't feel anything, but my heart clenches in protest.. It still shouts for Asami. I guess it still belongs to Asami.

"Take that back!" I demand.  
"Take back what?" The smirk on her face tells me she's enjoying the looks on my face.  
"Oh I get it, You can't handle that you're little wife is being a bitch?"

I slam my fist on the table making Kuvira jolt on her seat.

"She's not cheating on me Kuvira!!"  
"Why are you upset?!"  
"It's none of your business anymore!"  
"Korra!! Don't you dare tell me that you still love her!!"

Love her.. Do I really still love her? If I do, could she still accept and forgive me and be like we used to be?

"What if I do?" That came out almost like a whisper. But at the back of my mind, I pray that Kuvira hears it.

Kuvira's eyes widen in shock, confirming me that indeed she heard it. She stands up abruptly sending her chair flying away and slaps me hard, twisting my neck to the side and I could swear I felt my tooth crack.

"You don't get to just leave me, Korra!!"  
"Actually I do, Kuvira.. And I'm doing it right now!"

I stand up as well, leaving her on her own. I really don't know if I'm going to leave her right now or what. I'm not sure I'm able to do that, but right now I really want to leave her alone to clear my head. The thought of Asami being with Mako is sickening me.

"KORRA!!" She shouts. I stop, but my back is still facing her.

"You know it's true, she's with Mako. You said she's been sick and different, don't you think that she might be pregnant?"

I turn to her as I clench my fist tight. "It's not true, Kuvira!! Stop it right now or I'm going to leave you for good!"

"Oh, I don't mind if you leave me right now.. As for you, you can't stand that you're wife is not as angelic she seems to be.. She too has skeletons in her closet."  
"STOP IT!!"  
"You don't believe me? Then why don't you go to Opal's clinic to see for yourself that your little wife is having her monthly check up with her little lover."

She can't be telling the truth, can she? But she has a point, Asami has been sick. I think last night Mako drove her home.. No.. This can't be.. No.

I run towards my car and race away from Kuvira’s place. I can still hear her telling me to hurry up. Damn! She's so confident with this.. I pray to all the spirits worth praying that Asami’s not with Mako.. That she's.. No.. I can't even say the words.. No.. No..

I'm driving faster than the speed limit. I'm a cop and I’ll deal with the traffic officers later. Right now all I care about is getting to Opal’s clinic as fast as possible.

I a block away from the clinic when I see a unique car in the parking lot... It's Asami’s...

My breath becomes irregular. My pulse is beating fast and I'm sweating all over as I see Asami.. Clinging to Mako.. Coming out of Opal's clinic..

Kuvira was right.. She's with Mako.. Now I see them right in front of me.. This is true, this is real. She's cheating.. She cheated on me too.. We both cheated.

 

*********

 

I stayed in my office at our house after I came home from my visit with Opal. I wasn't feeling well, I got dizzy, but I was thankful that Mako was with me.

I've been staring at a blank paper on my desk with a pencil in my left hand for hours. I couldn't form a single sentence nor draw a single line. Korra is all I can think about. Should I tell her about me? I don't want her to think that I'm using this as an excuse for her not to leave me.. Why does this have to happen right now?

"Mom?"  
"Yes, baby?  
"Where's Inay?"

She's with her sweetheart.. At least that's the answer I want to tell her, because lying to her and for Korra makes me feel even worse. I know she's just a child, but we don't have the right to hide everything from her. After all she'd be the first person to be affected if we finally split up.

"She went to work, Ambi"  
"I see.. Mom?"  
"Yeah?."  
"Are you and Inay alright? Because I've been noticing you two have been different lately. I mean, yesterday you shouted, and Inay is always talking to someone on her phone. She's giggling and laughing and I know that she's not talking to you that time."

This is what I'm scared about. The day she would ask what's going on between me and Korra. I'm scared because I don't know what to tell her and I don't want her to be mad at Korra. Damn, I'm cornered. What should I tell her? Should I tell her the truth or should I lie again?

"It's okay mom, you can tell me.. I'm old enough. My friend said, her parents were also like this before they filed for, what do you call that? Div- div?"  
"Divorce."  
"Yeah I think that's the word."  
"Well, honey.. I'm sorry if I shouted at you yesterday, and you're Inay was just talking to uncle Bolin. And we're not filing a divorce.."  
"Really?"  
"I mean, not yet."  
"What do you mean not yet?"  
"Baby, do you remember the story I've been telling you that, just because you are married, it doesn't mean that you're also happy?"  
"Yeah.. I think I remember.."  
"Well you're Inay and I are married, but your Inay has found her happiness with someone else.."  
"You mean, you're not her happiness?"  
"No, honey.. I'm not."  
"But, she's your happiness, right? Doesn't that hurt? That she doesn't feel the same for you?

Her question caught me off guard, I know she asks that without fully realizing its meaning. I can't be mad at her, she's just a child. A child who doesn't know anything yet. I hug my daughter and cry on her shoulder while she holds me and rub my back which only makes me cry harder.

"Don't worry mom, I'm still here for you.. And I want you to know that you're my only happiness."

Oh honey, if only you knew how hurtful this is for me. How hurtful it is to see your Inay be with someone else while I'm here wishing that all my feelings for her would go away. There's just no easy way to move on, I need to suffer first before all this ends.

 

*********

 

After I saw Asami with Mako, I almost lost myself and I drove like a mad woman away from them. I gripped so hard on the wheel I thought it might break.

I spend my nights at my Bolin's place. I've been here two days without contacting Asami or Kuvira. I feel bad about them both. And though I hated Bolin's brother, he's still my best friend.

I told him everything and it took a lot of his self control not to beat me to a pulp. He told me that he knew it all... That Asami had come to him asking for some advice on what to do with me. It confused me because all I know is that she's with Mako, so why still worry about me.

"Did you honestly think that Asami is having an affair with my brother? Korra I'm hurt. Besides, he's not like that. He may have hated you for winning Asami from him, but he would never ever hit you from behind. And honestly, don't you trust Asami? She chose you over Mako. What made you think that she would cheat on you after all this time? She could've left you years ago if she wanted to, but here she is, sticking by you."

"Bolin, I saw them.. They were.."  
"They were what? Naked? Fucking?"  
"No?"  
"See? No.. When you cling to someone, it doesn't mean you're having an affair with them. Perhaps Asami was dizzy so Mako assisted her.. What would you do if you're vision was spinning? Let yourself fall?"  
"No."  
"Yeah, no. So you would hold on to someone or something, and it just happened that Mako was there."

I sigh.. He has a point.. How can I be so stupid?

"See when you cheat, you tend to become paranoid over your partner.. You think they're cheating too, because you're guilty.. And to rationalize that guilt you would try to find fault in your partner. She's not cheating on you, Mr Krabs. She's so in love with you.. And it breaks my heart to see you both like this.. What happened to Korrasami? What happened to the two women who swore to face the world hand in hand?"

I'm so much of an asshole right now.. I never realized Bolin is such a great eye opener.

"I don't know, Bo.. The fault is on me.. I know."  
"Korra, throwing the fault back and forth won't do us any good.. It's not about finding whose fault it is.. It's about amending.. Go to her, apologize, make up.. She'll forgive you."  
"You think so? After all I've done and thought?"  
"I don't think so.. I know so.."

He pats my shoulder.. And at that moment, I'm so glad that he's our friend.

"Thank you, partner."  
"Anytime."

A knock on his door made Bolin remove his hand from my shoulder.. What I heard next, made my heart beat fast.. And we both locked eyes..

"Bo? You in there? It's me, Mako.."

I look at him, shaking my head.. I don't want him in here, I don't trust myself from not doing anything stupid. But he smiles at me apologetically..

"I think it's time you two talk.." He said.

He opens the door, gives his brother a hug and pushes him where I stand with my hand in a fist.

"Korra?"  
"Mako."

"Aaaand Bolin! Hey I'm still here guys---"

I move forward and pin Mako to the door, making him whimper in pain. We're both gritting our teeth. Mako punches at me but I duck down and punch him on the gut making him growl. I try to punch him again but Bolin pulls me away and slaps me, wounding my lips. Mako tries to attack but Bolin is able to block him and punches him on the same spot where I punched him.

"Bolin!! You just slapped her, why punch me? I thought you're my brother!"  
"Mako, she's smaller than you so I thought a slap was better.. I told you two that I'm still here then seconds later you're both trying to murder each other! What if I wasn't around? Geez.."  
"She started it!"  
"What are you doing here, Mako!"  
"He's my brother, I have the right to visit him! I should be the one asking you that!"  
"Well I was uhm.."  
"Hiding?"  
"No!!"  
"Mako, stop provoking her!"  
"I am not, Bolin!!"  
"Okay okay.. I wanted to leave you two to talk, but I'm afraid that when I come back, you'd be both dead. So I'll just stay here while you two talk."  
"Talk about what exactly?"  
"Why were you with Asami, Mako?"  
"Oh do I sense some jealousy here?"  
"Mako!"  
"Okay Bo.. Korra, if you're mad that I was with your wife, then let me ask you something first. Where were you when she needed you?"

I stay silent.. I cannot tell him I was with Kuvira, enjoying myself.. But when I think of telling him, he surprised me with what he said next.

"You're with Kuvira, weren't you?"

I glare at Bolin, and he shakes his head defensively.

"Don't look at him Korra.. Your dad told me, and he told me to keep an eye to both of you."

Of course, dad told him. Of all people.

"She hasn't been feeling well for months now.. So I dragged her to see Opal."  
"So what's wrong with her?"  
"I'm not the one to tell you that.. Why don't you ask her? But before you do that, I want you to end your craziness and break up with Kuvira. Asami deserves so much more Korra. And if you are not going to stop this, I'm going to win her back for good."  
"Mako!!"  
"What, Bo?"  
"You're not helping!"  
"Why not? Asami deserves so much more than just a jerk."  
"Mako!"  
"He's right, Bo.. Asami deserves a lot."  
"So you're.. Leaving her? Mako asks scratching his cheek with his index finger.. And I could swear he's blushing. Damn!  
"No, but I'm leaving Kuvira.. This is not going to be easy since.."  
"Since what? Korra, you're not married to her. You don't have a child with her.. She's just like a leach. And removing it would hurt but after that you would feel so much better."

Bolin's right.. I can do this.. I can actually do this.. I don't have a vow to break if I break up with her. I don't even have a child to worry if I leave her.. No nothing..

"Thanks, Bolin.. I don't know what I would do without you.." I turn to Mako. "Thank you, Mako.. For taking care of Asami while I was gone.. I'm sorry if I doubted you. And punched you and--"

He punches me.

"Mako!!" Bolin shouts, helping me stand up.  
"Now we're even." He smirks.  
"Yeah I guess we are." The brothers then hug me, and I'm so glad they are my friends.  
"Now go.. Before I steal Asami from you."  
"Don't you dare, Mako." He rolls his eyes.  
"Don't forget to break up with Kuvira, first, Mr Krabs."  
"Yes, Bolin..but I think I need to see dad first. I'm going now."

With one last hug from them, I leave. If dad already knew what was going on, then I'm sure he's waiting for my explanation. Knowing that Asami's not with Mako, I felt the heaviness in my chest had been removed. I was stupid for doubting Mako. He and Bolin are my two best friends. My mind is clear and I've never felt more relaxed.

 

*********

 

I drive to my dad's place and hope he doesn't mind me visiting him at this hour. I haven't seen him for months and I know we have a lot to talk about. He has a lot of scolding to throw at me. I always come to him whenever I can't clear my head, or I can't make a decision on my own. And right now, I really need him. I still love Kuvira, or is it really love? I don't know..

After seeing Asami so broken and messed up I suddenly felt something. I know I'm responsible for all that's been happening, but I feel something different. She's hiding something from me. Well, I really can't blame her, but I want to find it out what it is. How? I don't know just yet.

I reach my dad's place. I knock lightly.. I am about to call it quits after I knocked several times when the door opens slowly, revealing a tall bald man. Hinges make a squeaking sound as dim light from the inside illuminates the dark area of the stoop where I'm standing..

"Korra?"  
"Hi dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erm.. We're still alive, guys. Anyway, I hope u enjoyed this one.(:


	11. Pieces of Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra realizes something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody makes anybody enlightened. Just tell them what you want to say then let them decide for themselves.
> 
> \- Tom Beta

It's been three days since I came and stayed at my dad's. Father Tenzin is a priest and my foster father. He raised me like his own child after my parents died when I was little.

I’ve spent most of my days in silence. Dad doesn't drag me to talk about my reason for coming and staying with him, but he knows that when I'm here there is definitely something to talk about. He knows that I would rather keep everything to myself. When I couldn't take it anymore I would curl up in one place, stare to nothing, and continuously sigh. Once I go quiet, that's his cue that I'm all full and need to empty out.

When he sees that I'm like a bomb that has only five seconds to explode, he would come around and turn off the timer. This time is different. I came to him by myself which made him know that I must be at the end of my rope.

I’ve always adored his simplicity in life and his never ending patience towards my stubbornness. He always gives me time to open up on my own and when I do, he’s attentive. He still treats me like a kid even though I'm already old. He says that I haven't changed a bit even if I grew a few feet taller.

So today, I decide to tell him my troubles. At first I was scared, really scared. But the love in his eyes told me that whatever mistakes I made, he's always there to lead me back to the right path. So I go on.. Starting from how my relationship with Kuvira progressed, to the time I asked Asami for a divorce and to the present where I feel like I don't want to leave Asami anymore.

We talk in the back yard, dad sipping on his warm cup of tea and me on my cup of black coffee.. The fine weather makes it easier for me to open up. When I finish speaking my dad is silent for a while and sits there calmly sipping his tea.

"So you're not mad at me?"  
"I am mad at you Korra, furious even.. But condemning you won't solve anything. She told you that Ambili is not yours to worry about. Do you believe her? Are you going to just leave your family? Think about this.. You're not mine, but I raised you and treated you like my own. I had the choice to leave you but I didn't.. you know why?"  
"Because you love me.."  
"And do you remember the things that I told you?"  
"Blood is thicker than water.. But love and loyalty are thicker than blood. One doesn't need to be your own for you to worry about them, feel something for them or be concerned about them.. Love is all we need."  
"And..?"  
"A little politeness would hurt less than regret."  
"Exactly.. Now, about that Kuvira girl.. Do you really think that she's worthy of your love and loyalty? Think about it, you've been married to Asami for how long?"  
"Almost eight years."  
"Eight years.. I'm surprised she hasn't left you yet."

He smiles and I've come to realized that yeah, Asami had the choice to leave me, but she didn't..

"Korra, when we tie the knot, we also tie all the temptations to ourselves, because marriage does not free us from being tempted. It's the other way around actually. It's up to us if we are going to close our eyes and stick with the vows we made to our spouse or let ourselves fall into the green eyes of of the monster.. So are you going to let yourself fall to her trap? Are you just gonna throw those eight years away?"  
"I don't know.."  
"Do you love this Kuvira?"  
"I don't know, dad. Really I don't know, I'm so confused right now, I'm torn between Asami and Ambili and Kuvira. I just don't know myself anymore."  
"Saying you don't know when asked if you love someone is as good as saying that you don't love them at all. The part of you that answers that question is not the mouth nor the brain, it's the heart, and the heart speaks with its every beat. You're not confused Korra, you're just blinded. And when you're blinded, things become complicated when in fact they are as simple as breathing."  
"I guess you're right, dad."  
"Now, ask yourself.. What do you want?"  
"I want to be happy.. And free."  
"Does being with Kuvira make you happy?"  
"I don't know.. When I'm with her, I can't stop thinking about Asami.. I can't stop thinking about just how wrong it is to be with her."  
"True happiness is guilt free, Korra. Now, I want you to take a walk and contemplate on the things you want and what makes you happy. I want you to choose wisely, because in life there is no rewind and regret always comes last. The day you realize what you let go is what really makes you happy, it would be too late and they’ll have moved on long before you knew that you chose wrongly,."

I sigh. His every word strings..

"Thanks dad.. I'm so lucky to have you. I love you"

Dad just nods, he's right.. If I must choose, then I should choose wisely.. If I want Asami then I should leave Kuvira, and if I want Kuvira then I should leave Asami and my daughter. If I choose Asami, then I hope it's not yet too late for the both of us.

 

*********

 

After my in-depth conversation with my dad, I lock myself inside my room. I decide to think about my history with Asami. I rewatch our favorite movies. Starting with Sassy Girl, which was the first movie we watched when we were still dating.

I close my laptop after I finished the last movie. I lay down in dark silence, my forearm resting on my forehead, and close my eyes to let my mind wander back to our wedding day. Asami was dressed in a beige gown. I remember how I got so overwhelmed that day. I was carried away that the most gorgeous woman I've ever known, the love of my life, was standing with me in front of the alter. The memory only made me feel more frustrated, so I decide to go outside for a walk. I wish Naga is here, so I wouldn't feel so depressed.

I walk to the places where Asami and I used to go when we were not yet married. Reminiscing our better days hoping to recall the reasons why I fell in love with her.

I go to where I first met Asami. It was here, in Avatar park. And right on this very spot, where this "no parking" sign stands she illegally parked her car. I was just a traffic officer back then. Who would have thought that my reproach to her parking would be the start of our relationship? I smile at the vivid memory, as I play the scene of what happened that day in my mind, it feels like it was just yesterday. I was so shy to even talk to her back then. She was just out of my league, and now I’m married to her. I’m not sure what caused me to change the way I feel about her.

The post is already a bit rusty, and I wonder how many love stories or heartbreaks it has witnessed over the years. How many people waited here for their lover to arrive? How many proposals and sweet words that would sweep every girl off her feet has it heard? I wonder if those couples are still together right now happily married or still in love with each other. I know mine is no longer the way it was before, but at least it's not Asami's fault.

This place is more crowded now than it was before.. More people are walking, children playing, and couples sitting on benches.. Some are just chatting while others are just having a good time with their family. Family.. I already have that word in my life, but what did I do? I have torn that family apart. And again, all the blame is on me.

I sigh in frustration, and carry on.

Next, I go to the our favorite restaurant. Kwong's Cuisine. This place has always been special to us. This is where we spent our first date and this is where I proposed to her. I order our favorite dish, spicy chicken curry. It's been awhile since I’ve eaten this food because we only order this when we're together. It's our way of keeping it special.

When I bring the spoon to my mouth, I taste the bittersweetness of how our relationship has turned out to be.

I swallow my guilt together with the food I eat. I realize that everything right now tastes everything but sweet.

I scan the area and it seems that everywhere I look I see Asami's shadow. It's like she’s haunting me, asking to me to stop hurting her. I shake the thought out of my mind, but I fail every time.

My next stop is Air Temple Island. This is where we spent our honeymoon.. It's been years since the last time I came here, but the place hasn't changed. It's still serene and I still feel like I'm home. The cool breeze coming from the open sea relaxes me. The salty crisp air reminds me of my home at the South.

From afar I can see a couple, husband and wife I presume, as the setting sun makes the metal on their fingers glitter. They are playing tag. I smile at the thought of how love can make someone behave like a child; how it makes you so carefree and just be who you wanted to be.

As I stare at them I realize just how stupid and selfish I have been. I come to think how hard it must have been for Asami, knowing that I'm with Kuvira, while she's left at home on her own. Left to take care of our daughter. My daughter.

I wipe my tears away and close my eyes to keep them from falling, but they keep coming. The more memories flood in, the more tears gush out of my eyes. I sit down when I feel my knees tremble as I cry hard, grieving for the things I've done to hurt my wife. How could I have done this to Asami? She doesn't deserve any of this from me. She deserves the best.

I slowly open my eyes and look up when I feel my breathing coming back to normal. The laughter coming from the couple has died out. I search for them and spot them standing still hugging each other. When the man kisses his wife's forehead, I see a memory of me and Asami. I stand up abruptly, almost tumbling backward at the sudden movement.

I've hurt Asami so badly that I'm not even sure if she can still forgive me. But one thing's for certain, I will do just about anything to have her back again. But before that, I need to talk to Kuvira and prepare myself for her wrath.

As I drive to Kuvira's place I realize that the places I visited didn't help me remember the reasons why I fell in love with Asami, but they reminded me that to love someone doesn't need to have reasons at all.


	12. Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's give half of the floor to Kuvira, shall we? And listen to what she has to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The heart is situated more on the left, because it's not always right. So never use it when making a decision.
> 
> * this is what happened to Kuvira and Asami while Korra stayed at her dad's place.

It's been three days.

Three long days that I haven't heard a single word from Korra after her last stay with me. No text, no calls, no nothing. I must have went too far provoking her, but whatever. She could go fuck herself. I do miss her though. I'd be lying if I say that I don't, but I refuse to make the first move to untangle this mess.

I've been tapping my foot in irritation. How long will she keep me waiting? Weeks? Months? This whole situation grates my nerves and it's not helping that outside I can see my mortal enemy waiting for her precious little angel. I peek from the small hole of my curtain where I used to spy on Korra when we weren't together yet. Why they call their daughter little angel, my brain cannot figure out. If they only knew how importunate she is, how irritating her giggles are and how annoying her bright mind is.

I recline back in my seat and sigh. I've been sighing and tapping since morning. I check the time and there's still forty-five minutes left before my class is over. I hope I'm still sane by that time to attend the staff meeting, because these naughty little shits are all driving me mad! Some are pooping. God, didn't their mom train them for toilet? Some are fighting over a candy wrapper and some are just, I don't know, babbling some alien language.. But whatever.

However, Korra's child is the most behaved kid, though. Sometimes she talks a lot and fast, as fast as 300 km/ hour and I need to put cotton balls into my ears to prevent my brain from bursting out. I pretend to listen to her every word when in fact I am not. She stays in her seat, talking to anyone who goes near her, but never leaving her place. I think she's all Asami's. Of course, how could she inherit Korra's traits when Korra didn't have anything to do with her conception. It's a wonder how her smile mirrors Korra's, or how her eyes glimmer when she gets the correct answer like how Korra's eyes would shine after a successful investigation. The way she eats so fast like she hasn't eaten for weeks and her belch that resembles a loud fart is so much like Korra's. Sometimes, even her stubbornness reminds me completely of Korra, it's like I'm taking care of a young version of Korra.

Korra.

The luckiest person I know, surrounded by people who love her, including me, greatly. While some people are ending their lives because of misery and lack of love and belongingness and insecurities, here she is, enveloped in sweetest and safest ways. I know what we have is something unacceptable, but what's wrong in loving someone with all you have? To some people it's just lust, or worse, it's just a heat between people's legs that needs to be fulfilled in the most desperate ways. Having an affair with a married person is considered to be an act of desperation. I know people with high morals will never understand the situation I am in. In people's eyes, I'm a homewrecker. But whatever, that's their opinion. I don't need their approval. They don't choose my happiness; I do. My happiness is to be with Korra. So, I plan to have her, to claim her. I don't care what it takes or what I'm required to lay on the line just to be with her. I'll give it all. Perhaps one day, I’ll have my own family and a child of my own to call my little angel.

I do feel bad about all this sometimes, I'm a human being with heart. But the bliss outweighs the guilt that comes along with it. So yeah, I gave in to this forbidden love. I gave in to the demand of my heart. Though I never dreamed I’d be the other woman, much less to be someone's second option.

I wouldn't be acting like this if Korra didn't make me feel wanted, needed, and loved. I certainly wouldn't be acting like an abandoned wife if I didn't love Korra so much.

Ambili turns to me and smiles. I raise my brow because she always looks at me whenever I play my thoughts about Korra in my mind, I know she's a little genius but is it be possible for her to read minds too? Now I'm really insane, thinking about stupid things such as that. I'm wondering if Korra has already told her about me, or about us, or about her parents' divorce.

I hear a gentle knock on my door, "What do you want?" I don't need to turn around to know who this thought-disturbing person is.

"Ms Kuvira, the principal sent me to tell you that our meeting has been cancelled."

"I see. Thank you for that. You may leave now."

"Of course, but please accept my humble present to you." He says, as he hands me the bouquet of flowers he's been hiding behind his back. I stand and face him. I look at the bouquet then back at him, then I felt the urge to laugh which I did after I stare at his stupid hopeful face.

"What is this some kind of a joke?"

"If you think this is a joke then yes, and if you think it is not then no. I aim to please so whatever makes you happy I'm on it."

"Baatar, how many times do I have to tell to just leave me alone?!"

"Vira, please I just wanted to talk to you.. if you just give me a chance to explain myself, I'll..

"STOP!! Leave now Baatar or I'll.."

"As you wish, Ms Kuvira." He places his present on my table. His eyes are filled with concern and if I'm not mistaken, it's also full of affection. But instead of being flattered with what he said, I felt rather insulted.

"I want you to know, that I'll always be here, if ever you change your mind. Good day, Ms Kuvira." He says as he turns around and leave.

I calm myself down from my sudden outburst, running my hand through my hair I'm almost scraping my scalp, no one should see me like this.

The children go quiet after hearing me raise my voice. The bell rings and I've never been more thankful in my entire life because it means that I'm left alone to let my anger out of my system. I know the perfect person I can use for some warm ups.

 

*********

 

Restlessness is an understatement of how I’ve felt since Korra hasn't come home since the morning after our fight. Though I don’t regret what I said to her, I still feel bad about it. It must have struck her hard to made her run away for days. I know I still care about her more than I should, but I can't help it. I still love her despite what she's done to me and our family. I'm wondering as to where she could be staying. I strongly suspect that she's with Kuvira, of course, where else could she be if not with her.

I hiss at the thought that she'd rather spend the weekends with her than with us, her family.

Everything seems so lifeless without her, as if the time in this house stops ticking without her in it. As if my world has stopped spinning without her presence. The rooms seem to be quieter. The kitchen left undisturbed since she is not here to try and cook something. She's a good cook but, she can't keep her surroundings tidy whenever she works, which makes the kitchen more like a war zone.

Everywhere I turn everything just reminds me of her. The gym, the garden, the pool, the coffee maker that she loves so much. Even the ceiling fan reminds me of her, since she's always fixing it when it starts to make a weird noises. Sometimes I can hear her voice calling out from somewhere inside our house, but when I check on it, the desolation is there instead.

Naga is whining all day and I guess she misses her master as well. She stays outside longer than she should or if not, she just sits by the door whimpering. She doesn’t wag her tail anymore, and her ears are always down. Even the birds outside chirp a little less. I figured everything just isn’t the same without the boisterous Korra around. I need to get used to this since we are soon to part ways.

I wanted to ask Kuvira if Korra is with her, but the sour frown on her face, her expression, the look in her eyes, and her lazy appearance tells me that she has not seen Korra either. Even if Korra is not with her, I'm sure she would deny it and tell me lies to annoy me.

So, I wait for Ambili and stay out of Kuvira's sight.

I see other parents arriving as the bell rings. Children are coming out from their classrooms, some are racing towards their parents while others are still waiting for theirs to arrive.

Soon, I can see my own child running towards me. I beam at how happy she is to see me. I beam because she's so much like Korra. Having her in my life makes everything lighter, she just makes everything easier.

"Mom!!" She calls as she runs towards me, hugging my middle snugly, she's so little that her head is only leveled with my mid thigh. "Hi there, sweetie.. How's your day?"  
"Oh it was fun mom! Ms. Kuvira asked us to write a poem to present on family day."  
"Really? What did you write about?" I could see Kuvira approaching from my periphery but I chose to ignore her.  
"Us! You, inay and me. A poem about family!"

"Yeah she wrote about you, her family. It was so meaningful it almost made me cry. She's quite a genius and very expressive." Kuvira interrupts us, with a smug smirk on her stupid face. I was going to just pretend I didn't see her as she inches her way towards us, but Ambili turns her way. She pats Ambili on her head and it delighted my daughter.

"Good afternoon, Ms Kuvira. She's my daughter so it's not surprising that she's a genius." I say, pulling Ambili from Kuvira's touch. I don't want her filthy hands to make contact with my baby's skin.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Kassuq. Or should I say, ex Mrs. Kassuq."

"I prefer Ms. Asami Sato-Kassuq. Thank you."

"Well, you should savor that last, last name of yours while you still can."

"I don't think it's going anywhere, Ms. Kuvira. I'll be using it till my old age."

"Really? Well a little bird told me that soon, you'll be having a single surname again."

"Not while I'm still alive." I gently push Ambili away to wait for me in the car. If Kuvira and I are going to throw fireballs at each other, I don't want her to witness it.

"Listen here, and listen carefully. Korra is going to leave you and you know it. You're just in denial about the fact that she already chose me. She loves me and she's going to leave you for me. She promises me everything, she buys me everything I demand of her and she gives me me everything I want."

"Are you done? Now it's your turn to listen Ms. Piece of Shit. If Korra does love you, then why is she still coming home to us every single damn night? If she loves you, why is she still wearing our ring? If she loves you why hasn't she pursued our divorce? Let your knucklehead think on this, if she doesnt make u promises, do you think she's able to bed you? If she doesn't buy and give you everything you want and demand, do you think you'd allow her to get into your pants? She's just using you. If she really does love you, why is it she's still keeping your relationship a secret? Why is it that when you ask everyone, they'd say that she's married to me and not to you?"

Kuvira narrows her eyes and I can literally see steams coming out of her pores.

"Oh you're lucky we're here in school, Ms. Frustrated or else.."  
"Or else what? Beat the crap out of me? Well then just tell me where and when and let's see who's going to go home with her face looking like her ass."

With a flip of my hair and a roll of my eyes I turn around and leave her where she stands gritting her teeth in annoyance. I admit that I was kind of little nervous that she might pull my hair, but then again, I'm ready for anything she's capable of doing.

 

*********

 

Night came, and I think I'm going to spend it again waiting for her. My mind is lost in thoughts again as I play with my hair with the tip of my finger.

I wanted to light a fag. Take in all its burnt fume and feel my lungs slowly burn, but I guess it's just a wasted effort knowing that no matter how many sticks I lit, it won't burn my emotions for her. The alcohol, even if I tried to swallow it slowly, still felt like needles passing through my throat. I guess bad habits are really not for me. I guess being a martyr wife is more of my forte.

I look at the fireplace, where we used to spend the cold nights snuggling close, feeling each other's warmth while we fight over who had the worse day, or who worked things out better in the office. We used to be a team, helping each other the best way we could. Then so suddenly we are not anymore. I think it's true that when love fades, lovers become just friends and eventually become strangers.

The sound of our laughter from before echoes as the wind blows through the open window where I sit. I still can't figure out what went wrong. Everything is just dull and languid without her around. I curse myself for caring for so much even though she's somewhere right now having a good time with someone while I'm left here on my own, pitying myself, feeling sorry for myself for being so in love with her.

I recall my encounter with Kuvira earlier. She’s so confident about her relationship with Korra. I wonder what kind of a person she is. Doesn't she know that she's not just snatching Korra from me but from Ambili as well? Doesn't she know how it feels to grow up with a single parent?

Ambili has been crying, telling me how she misses her inay. I must admit that it hurts me more than I show it, knowing that I'm not enough for her to be happy. She misses their bedtime stories and the way Korra would lull her to sleep. She misses Korra's scent, well, we both miss her scent. We miss her strong arms that would hold us together and through the night. Seeing my child like this only makes me detest Kuvira more.

I sigh hard and let my head fall back as I lean back further in my chair. My mind wanders and it brings me back to the memory of being drunk.

Though I really don't like it, I still miss the euphoria it gave me. Like I was floating on cloud nine with my burdens left on the Earth’s surface. They seemed to be so small from miles away where alcohol had taken me. Somewhere they could not reach me and bring me down to my knees. My head was not in pain and I was completely relaxed.

So, I decided to drive back to the same place that gave me comfort and peace and the assurance that I’d be feeling nothing but an absolute peace. I let the nanny know I was going out after I put Ambili to sleep.

When I reach my destination, I don't waste a second and immediately order the drink that tranquilizes me.

I toss one after the other, trying flavors from lighter to stronger ones. Each drink passes through my throat like broken glass. As the night becomes late, I can feel the booze slowly seeping through my system taking away the things that wear me down. My throat burns, but this hurt is a different kind of thing, not like the ones from Korra. Fuck.. she’s still on my mind and I think I still need a lot more of this to rip her out of my mind even just for a night.

I toss the last shot and let my head hang low, it feels so light that I cannot tell anymore if I'm looking up or looking down. I open my eyes but shut them close immediately as my vision spins, bringing the content of my stomach up to my throat. I'm feeling very dizzy now, and my head starts to fall. I think.

“Woah there, Miss, I got you.”

His voice is familiar. I again open my eyes and blink for several times. I narrow my eyes and wait for the double vision to subside. As my vision focuses, I see the man's face clearly..

“Asami? Is that you?”

He shifts my seat and I'm now facing him. His eyes widen when he makes sure that indeed it is me. The Asami he thinks he knew.

“What’s wrong with you?”  
“Who are you?” I slurred, because I really don't remember knowing someone as handsome as he is. Well, besides Korra, of course.

“It’s me, Iroh.” He smiles while holding me in place.

“Iroh?"

*********

 

I had my fair share of stress today, from the time I set foot in school to the time leave. Like it was a well planned prank for me by someone who wanted to piss me off the whole day. Now the heavy traffic seems to be making fun of me too. Though the road going to my house has always been congested, it's unusual to have this kind of congestion at 9 in the fucking evening. I finished all my paperwork after class and I didn't notice the time, and when I did check, yeah great. It's so late already and I haven't even had my dinner.

I heard sirens of police and ambulance heading to where the traffic is mostly crowded. Someone must have been in an accident.

Poor soul, I snorted. I shift the gear to neural and pull the handbrake. If this is going to take a while, then I should give my foot a rest from stepping on the brake pedal. I'm too impatient for this kind of stuff. How bad could the accident be that it's taking them this long to clear the road.

Drivers behind me are blowing their horns as if doing so would clear the traffic. Stupid. It would just add to the pollution, and would further irritate the already irritated drivers. I sigh, and reach for my bag for something to munch on while waiting. As I grab my bag and bring it to my lap, a small note catches my eyes. I take it and read.

"Meet me tomorrow, 5:30 PM at Narook's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kassuq is the surname I gave to Korra in one of my fics. It means drifting lump of ice. Idk, I think it suits her. Hehe


	13. Past and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their past visits them at present.
> 
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still, half of the floor goes to our Great Uniter and half goes to the Legal Wife. (Hope they don't mind sharing, though.)

I stare at the handwriting on the note, thinking whose it is. I'm sure it isn't Korra's because I know her handwriting the way I know she hates mornings, and needless to say one could easily tell that this isn't Korra's if they've seen her writing even just once. Hers is extremely sloppy and all letters are capitalized, while this one is written neatly in a cursive way. My brain tells me that I have come across the owner of this penmanship before. So, I let my mind wander back in time, searching for that person. I scan each face that I've dealt and worked with. Remembering how they scribbled each letter. Is it the school principal? Nope. Or the grade school gossip monger teacher next to my room?

Could it be? No.. But why not. I close my eyes and dig further down my memory to make sure that I'm thinking the right person.

Then suddenly I stop when I see his face.

It's Baatar.

I'm not surprised when I see his face in my mind, because I already guessed that it must have been him. I narrow my eyes as I remember him, his face, the time. Remember the pain.

 

_"No, please!!! Please stop!!"  
"This is what you get for not coming when I say!!!"_

 

Suddenly I remember the smell of my burnt flesh as the tip of the lit cigarette came in contact with my skin. The smell that's been haunting me for years giving me sleepless nights and nightmares. Sometimes, I would feel the scars on my back hurt, I reach for it and sigh in relief as I feel the lump of the healed wound. These scars reassure me that it's already done; it happened in the past. Now is present, and he can never hurt me again.

Sometimes I can't help but remember the toughest time of my life and appreciate the person I am today. I look ahead and the traffic is still heavy. Guess I will be stuck here for another minute or two.

I must've gotten lost in my thoughts because when I look back to the road the traffic is no longer heavy, making the drivers behind me angrier, blowing their horns non stop. I smirk at the sight of annoyed drivers behind me, then an idea pops in my head. I look at the time above the traffic light, it's 30 seconds before the red light would turn on. I grin and I wait for the right time.

Ten, nine, eight.. I shift into first gear and rev the engine. I hear the people behind yelling and cursing for me to go. Seven, six, five.. At four, I step on the accelerator as hard as I can to make it beyond the intersection before the time runs out.

As I pass through the intersection I see the flashing lights on top of the police cars and the ambulance. The sights and sounds of the paramedics rushing around the scene takes me back in time to a part of my past that I have hidden and locked away.

I feel the weight of my eyelids go up and down as I blink. The flow of air in and out of my lungs becomes audible and I can feel the gush of blood through my veins with each beat of my heart. Everything around me slows down and I see a ghost image of that one particular part of my life that hurts the most playing like a low quality black and white movie.

 

_"Police!!! Everyone freeze!!"_

 

The buzz and bustle pull me back to reality and I gasp in sudden realization of my current situation. I made it through the intersection just before the light turned red, leaving the agitated drivers behind me, eating my dust. I laugh at my job well done as I hear them from afar still yelling in annoyance.

I try to shake the past out of my mind and focus on my driving, but I get restless and grip hard on the wheel. If I want to make it home in one piece, I have to concentrate on driving and not on my past.

 

*****

 

I grunt. I can hear nothing but the loud ringing in my ears. I can see the paramedic's mouth moving, asking me if I'm okay.. I know I'm okay but but I can't tell her that. I blink a few times to focus my vision because it's blurry and hazy and spinning. I must have hit my head hard on the wheel. Damn inflatable bag; it didn't inflate. Why do we even call it inflatable when it really doesn't inflate when needed? I close my eyes and when I felt I'm being lifted off the ground I lift my hand but I am restrained on some hard flat board. I figure I'm on a stretcher, with a neck collar on my neck.

"Korra!!"

"He-hey Bo.."  
He chuckles.. "Last time I saw you, you were so alive. Now, I can see you're not in good shape."

My eyes widened. I hope I don’t have any broken bones..

"Just kidding.. They told me you're fine, but they figured you're still a little dizzy so.." He pulls my restraint. "They want take you to the hospital to make sure that nothing's broken. Honestly, Korra, if you wanted to end your life, driving towards a tree is not the answer.”  
"I didn't try to kill myself, Bo. It's just, my headlight went off suddenly and I think I saw a deer crossing the street, so that's that."

"I see... Don’t you know that driving with a busted headlight is a traffic violation?"  
"I didn't say it was busted, Bo. Ugh!" I grunt.  
"I know, Kor.. Just kidding."  
"Then stop kidding!! I'm not in very good mood right now to kid around."  
"I know, I know.. Just let me deal with the mess you made then I can come with you to the hospital. After you get some stitches I’ll drive you to Asami."  
"I can't go to her. Not like this.. Can I.." I hesitate.  
"Of course, partner. You can stay as long as you want. Now, stay here, I’ll be right back."

I see Bolin's retreating figure get lost in the crowd trying to stop the curious people from coming to the scene. He's also helping the police ease the heavy traffic the accident caused. He's really a good person, always lending a helping hand.

 

*****

_I'm not sure, but I know I'm just dreaming.. I see Korra and Ambili playing with the garden water hose outside, while Naga jumps up and down, also having a good time herself. They don't notice me as I near them. Still busy with the sprinkler, they continue to splash water on each other. I call out but they don't respond. They must not be able to hear me over their laughter and the splashing water. I smile and open my mouth to call on them again, but just before the air in my lungs pumps air to my throat to make a sound, a voice calls me from behind._

_"Asami!!"_

_Startled, I abruptly turn to see who called but see nothing. Only darkness.. The room where I came from is gone. I keep staring hoping for the person who called to emerge from darkness, but still no one appears, only silence. The voice was loud and worried, she called out to me like I was dying. After a good look I turn back to see Korra, my daughter, and Naga.. But.. They are all gone. The inflatable pool and the remnants of their play are still there, but silence is all I can hear now. It's like I'm left alone in an empty world. It's like a ghost town, nothing could be heard, nothing could be seen even if I look to the farthest side of the place._

_"Asami!!"_

_The voice calls out again and it's freaking me out now. I don't want to turn around anymore. I don't want to see that darkness again. It's like I'm in a two dimensional world and I'm stuck in the place where darkness meets light. I'm standing still and I cannot move a leg. Thankfully I can still move the muscles in my lungs for breathing and I can still blink._

_"Asami!!"_

_No, I'm not looking. I stand my ground, I close my eyes and pray that I wake up from this nightmare. This has to be a nightmare because in reality I know Korra would never leave me alone. I open my eyes as something creepy seeps underneath my feet which gives me goosebumps. When I look down I see red gushing out from who knows where. I gasp, as I feel something is dripping from my nose. I raise my hand to feel my nose and there I find that it is my own blood tainting the darkness with red._

_I scream._

*****

 

Headaches always wake me up faster than a buzzing alarm clock. The pain is worse than what I normally experience every morning. Perhaps what I had last night doubled it. Everyday is like this, the only difference is the degree of the brain eating pulses inside my head.

I blink away the blur in my eyes and as my vision clears I realize that I'm absolutely not in my room. The thick maroon curtains that traps the sunlight outside, the red carpet at the center of the room, and the portrait of the Fire Lord confirm that I'm in someone else's room. Holy shit!

I push myself to sitting position, ignoring my throbbing temples for a second. Even though Korra is cheating on me, I'm scared that I might have slept with a random drunkard whom I just bumped into at the club. I slowly slide my hand to my lower body and release the breath I'm holding when I realize that I'm still wearing the clothes I wore yesterday and not even a single button is undone.

I sit up straight and look around me again. I still don't remember a single detail of how I ended up here.

Iroh.. that’s the last thing I remember.. “Iroh?” I mutter.

“Yes, it's me who brought you here.. to safety..”

His voice startles me.

“Is that really you?”  
“Yeah. Why, cant believe I'd transform into a godly figure?”

I roll my eyes at his over confidence.

“Honestly, how did you.. change so much?”  
“Well, after you left me.. I was like.." He throws his hands in the air animatedly "then I thought to myself and said, ‘Well the reason she ditched you was because you don’t look good enough.’" He said copying the sound of my voice, I laugh at the act. "So I had my braces removed, combed my hair, took a shower everyday, used my family's wealth to buy some new nice clothes, and now.. I'm here. I’m so glad I found you Asami.” His eyes start to tear up.

“Iroh, you know I didn't leave you because of that.”  
“I know.. I’m sorry I was just kidding.. you said you just couldn't see a spark between us.”  
“Yes.”  
“But I believe something’s about to happen. There’s a reason why I met you last night. I mean after all these years, of all the places.. here in Republic City. I never thought I would find you here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, since my last failed relationship I begin to think that maybe I'm not meant for anyone else.." He takes my hand in his, intertwining our fingers, then he looks up at me. "but you..”

I can see in his amber eyes that what he says is true. I almost lose myself in this ocean of emotions his showering on me.. almost.

“I'm willing to do just anything, Asami.. just please.. just please give me a chance..”  
He says as he kisses my knuckles. I don't answer and I can feel the air between us grow thick. I’m about to break his heart again when I remember Korra is divorcing me. Thinking about what Iroh said I wonder if maybe I'm not meant for anyone else either. Maybe I'm not meant for Korra; maybe I’m meant for Iroh.

We sit in silence while I consider the thought.

“I don't know, Iroh..” I say as I hide the ring I'm wearing hoping he has not yet noticed it. Why am I hiding it?

“Are you, married?” he asks and then glances at my left hand and looks down in disappointment.

Am I really married?

“No, I'm not married, Iroh.”

He looks up at me with eyes full of hope.

"I'll give you another chance.” I immediately regret the words and felt something indescribable. Is it guilt?

He smiles and finally lets the tears fall. He stands up, pulling me with him, and kisses me on my forehead whispering a thank you. I take his hand when he offers it as he leads me downstairs where a set table is waiting for me for breakfast.

“I’m guessing you’re hungry judging by how much you threw up last night.”

Iroh knows me so well that he already has everything prepared before I even ask him for it. I smile and nod, but I’m sad because I wish Korra was here doing all these things for me right now.

..Korra.. I mentally call her name and hope that the wind would somehow take my silent prayers to her.

Iroh runs behind me and pulls out a chair for me. After I sit, he unfolds a table napkin and spreads it on my lap. He sits across from me with his elbows propped on the table, smiling as he watches me fill my plate. I glance at him as I start to dig in, stopping when I see the change on his face.

“What?”  
“Have you.. no, never mind.”  
I drop my spoon and stare at him with piercing eyes. “What is it, Iroh?”  
“Well, it’s kinda not important so let’s not talk about it.”  
“Iroh, if you are not going to spit it out, I’m going to have to take back the second chance I've given you.”

“Well," He coughs to his hand. "What happened to you? I mean, I know we aged and life can sometimes stress us out, but, you know..”  
I know exactly what he is getting at.  
What am I going to say to him? Oh, the woman I left you and Mako for is cheating on me and wants a divorce. I can't say that, so I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh heavily.

“Things have been tough at work. You know being the big boss isn’t something relaxing and I was like so drunk about only five hours ago? So yeah, I know I don't look so good right now.”

How I wish I could just tell him everything, cry on his shoulder and hope for his soothing words. But I can't.  
"Why, does my face look hideous now?"  
"What? No. Nonsense. You still look gorgeous to me no matter what you look like."

That made me feel better.

“Anyway, how about a relaxing day off with me, Ms. Sato?”  
I furrow my brows and ask him what he means by that.

"I’m asking you for a date.”

Well, I did give him a chance, so a date has to come along with it. I could really use any diversion right now, so yeah.

“Sounds perfect.” I say as I give him a forced smile.

Denying my marriage to Korra makes me sick to my stomach, but as I think of her and Kuvira, I rationalize that what she’s doing is far worse than what I just did. I want to do something to make me feel better that doesn’t involve copious amounts of alcohol, so yeah, a day with Iroh won't be so bad.

I left Iroh's house when I felt the pain from my headache recede. He offered me a ride to my place but I turned him down, scared about the thought that Korra might be at home waiting for me. I don't want her to think that I spent the night with Iroh.

 

*****

 

I gave Iroh my office address and since then he's been visiting me, taking me out for lunch or he’ll cook and bring a packed meal to eat in my office. His cooking is really good and delicious. Thanks to him, my appetite came back. He always brings my favorites, saying that it would help boost my energy and lower my stress. That continued for several days before I agreed to go out on an actual date.

My employees are gossiping, of course, individually speculating about my relationship with Iroh. I'm well aware of that and I could fire each of them for behaving unprofessionally towards me, but I just let them be. Anyway, whether I do something fishy or not, people will always have something to say behind your back.

The days I spend with Iroh are wonderful. His love for food led him to open a fine dining restaurant that he taook me to. While there he introduced me to his employees. They were all well mannered and are rooting for Iroh and me, saying that we would make the perfect couple. Usually I'd be flattered, but I'm tied to the idea that I'm already married and there should be no room for some thoughtless giddy behavior acting like a teenage girl who just received a love letter from her secret admirer.

On the third date, we go fishing. This is one of our shared childhood hobbies. I'm glad that he's no longer disgusted by the slimy worms we used as bait and knows how to hang them on the hook.

I throw my hook as far as I can, and wait for some fish to come around.

While waiting for innocent victims to swim through our trap, we talk about the things we missed from the day we lost communication with each other. He talks about his relationships he had after we broke up, and I talk about mine. I don’t talk about Korra much, giving him very little information about her. I'm being careful with every word I spit out. He isn't surprised that I actually dated a woman, saying that he already saw something in me when we were together but still loved every piece of me. I just laugh at that.

Moments later I could feel the pull on my rod made by the caught fish. Iron helps me reel in my line and we high five each other seeing that it's quite a catch.

I catch more fish than Iroh, leaving him to reminisce about how I was always better than him when fishing. He talks while wiping the sweat on my forehead. I really like the attention he's giving me. He still pampers me just like he did the first time we dated. Why didn’t I end up with him? Perhaps my life wouldn't be like this if I married him instead of Korra.

The next day we go swimming in his pool. He still remembers how much I love soaking in the pool. What made my heart swell even more is that he put rose petals in the pool to mask the strong scent of chlorine in the water, saying he remembers just how much I love these things.

I couldn't hold my tears back anymore; I am so touched by his efforts. It’s been awhile since someone did the things I love for me just to please me. So I cry and he holds me tight, whispering sweet words that made me cry harder. He asks me why and I almost opened up to him but I swallow the true cause of my misery and lie again. I tell him I miss my mom, I miss the house where I grew up, and everyone I know who is no longer around. I tell him every lie my mind comes up with just to seal my wounded heart. I'm not sure how long I can keep up with this, but as long as I'm not sleeping with him, I guess it's still acceptable to be with him or with anyone that would make me forget about her. Yes her. I don't want to speak her name, not even in my mind. Saying it would open another wound in my chest, and right now, I don't want to bleed. Not in front of Iroh, the man I’m hoping will fix me.

He lets go of me and I wince at the sudden chill in the air. He takes off his shirt and dives into the pool. As he surfaces, petals sticks to his head. He laughs and gestures for me to join him. So,I take off my robe and take a deep breath before plunging to the water. We play tag with him being “it.” The scent of the rose petals relax my nerves. It’s been awhile since I've soaked myself in this refreshing aroma. It’s been even longer since I have laughed and played like this. It’s like I'm a child again; worry free. I get to forget about the real issues I'm facing. This is so relaxing.

I grew tired from all the playing around, so I let myself float. The ceiling is painted with angels and clouds and blue skies, adding to the relaxing atmosphere. Suddenly I feel an arm snake around my middle as Iroh pulls me close and swims us to the side of the pool. He continues to swim until I can feel the hard wall of the pool behind me. He stares at me; eye to eye. His funny face is now dead serious. He glances at my lips and back to my eyes, searching for a permission and I nod. He is getting closer and closer. Close enough for me to count the freckles on his face; close enough for me to breath in what he breaths out. Dangerously close enough for us to kiss. All he has to do is move a little bit closer and then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna say this guys that chap 12, this one and the next tell us what's been happening to Kuvira and Asami while Korra's away.


	14. Skeleton in the Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is all about Kuvira and Bataar, and tells us how Kuvira fell for Korra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly felt horrible writing this chap, and I didn't know where I got this from. 
> 
> I'm rating this one Mature due to some depictions of domestic violence and a bit of suicidal attempt. So, if you feel that in any way this might trigger you, or would bring you back some bad memories, please don't read. You've been warned, so, read at your own risk. There.

I'm staring at the clock as it ticks every minute away. 4PM the note said; I should be there at 5.

I stay inside my classroom, now that everyone is out, I finally have some peace and quiet to weigh the choices I have: to go or not to go.

Should I go and listen to what he has to say or just pretend that this never happened? I hate this, he's getting to me again. I hate how he always lets me believe I can choose between two options where it's clear that I don't actually have a choice at all. Ugh!! He's like a little worm crawling in my mind and doesn't leave me alone unless I give in and scratch the itch away.

I press my head between my hands, nails digging in my scalp. I close my eyes shut and think of what he did to me back then.. When.. No.. I don't want to think about it.

I lean back, tapping my fingers on my desk alternately as hard and loud as I could manage.

Okay, I've had enough!!

I grab my bag and keys, lock my classroom door and make my way to my car.

I know that if I don't go, I’ll spend my life wondering what would happen if I went and met him. It would be like a ghost haunting me and would leave me wishing that I’d gone to meet him.

Though I really don't want to see his face, I don't have a choice than to go and hear his lies again, and let him hurt me once more.

I reach Narook's thirty minutes late. I did this on purpose hoping that he had grown tired waiting and just left. But when I step inside, my eyes immediately lock with his. He smiles that deceitful smile again. So full of lies and broken promises. I walk towards him and stand in front of him.

"Thank you for coming, Kuv. I was afraid that you wouldn't come."

"As if I had a choice." I snort.. "Now what do you want? I don't have all day, Baatar."

He sighs and moves his hand to take mine, but I pull away from his reach.

"Don't you dare touch me with those filthy hands of yours!!"

He sighs in defeat and reclines back in his seat as people around us start to murmur about us.

"So, I can see that you're still mad at me."

"Mad? I'm not just mad, Baatar. In all honesty I want to make you feel what you put me through!"

I'm furious and I don't think this conversation will be of any good.

"Please, calm down. I didn't meet you here to fight, and I'm not here to hurt you. This crowded place I chose for us to meet is proof that I don't have anything up my sleeve. Please be calm and sit down." He whispered, as if the ground would crack and swallow him up if anyone hears him.

He has a point. He can't do anything stupid in a place like this. So, I try to calm down.

"Fine." I say as I take my seat, facing him. I never break eye contact with him. I want to show him that I'm no longer that helpless girl he used to batter so badly before.

"Thank you."

There's pause of silence between us till he speaks again.

"I ordered you some coffee. I--"  
"I don't want anything from you. Whatever you want to say just spit it out already."

I refuse to take this damn offer, who knows he might have put poison in it.

"Okay.. I'm here to ask for a second chance. Please give me another chance, Kuv. "

"Chance for what, Baatar? Chance for you to hurt me again? I'm done being your rag doll!!"

My blood starts to boil at the idea. As my vision darkens, my breathing becomes rapid. I hate the way he makes me feel, it only reminds me that the grip he had on my neck is still here despite the years I’ve spent healing myself. I can still feel his phantom presence lurking around me even after years of running away from his shadow.

"Please Kuvira.. I've changed. After I got out of prison I went to rehab, I.."

"I've heard that multiple of times. ‘I've changed. I won't do it again. I'm sorry, it won't happen again.’ Every time we argued you still couldn't keep your clenched fist from landing on my face and your dick inside your pants!!”

He's not saying anything, he's not even looking at me. Before he would look straight to my eyes with daggers, while enjoying the fear in my eyes. He wouldn't even blink if he met me eye to eye, but now he can't even keep his gaze straight forward.

I stare at him with eyes full of rage. I make sure to make him feel how much I despise him. He's showing me that he's contrite, but what happened in the past blinds me to see the kind person he's trying to convince me he is right now.

No. He hasn't changed a bit. He still has those eyes that used to fill me with dread, he still has the same name which made me cry and shiver whenever I heard someone say it. He still has the height that stood tall back then after he's done hitting me. His skin color that changes from light tan to red as my blood streaked his skin, his hair and those dirty hands he used to crumple my face and his feet he used to trample on me while I lay naked on the floor after he's done beating me. No. Nothing's changed. He's still the man I once feared the most before. But not anymore.

Every Time I look into his eyes, I'm reminded of how he looked at me with disgust on his face. Everytime I hear his voice, I remember his roaring voice, yelling how stupid I was. I'm reminded by his laugh when he fucked me against my will. And everytime I see his face, I'm reminded by the man who broke not just my heart, not just my soul but my entire being.

"That day, I was pregnant Baatar! I was fucking pregnant with your child, but what did you say?! Do you remember what you said to me?!"

"How could you be so careless!! And are you sure it's mine?!

"What are you trying to say, Baatar?"

"How many men have you spread your legs for? You thought I would just take your word that it’s mine?"

Baatar looked down, he removes his glasses and wipes his watery red eyes.

"I'm sorry.. After I realized what I did.. I just.. I felt so horrible." He chokes, his voice breaks as he starts to cry.

"Horrible is an understatement Bataar. You're a monster!"

Baatar's eyes snap open as he looks up to me, his eyes are filled with overflowing tears. Even if he cries me a river, I could never find the heart to forgive him.

"I'm so.. I'm sorry Kuvira. I know I was worse than a monster.. An evil.."

He sobs as he buries his face on his hand. He again tries to reach for my hand, but I still pull away.

"Please Kuvira, I'd do just about anything to earn your forgiveness.. Just please.. Forgive me.." He pleads.

"Remember how I pleaded for you before?"

He nods as he dries his eyes.

"Did you listen to my pleading?"

"No..." He chokes.

"Then I'm going to do the same to you... I will never ever listen to your pleading, even if forgiving you would stop the world from destruction, I would still not forgive you."

With that, I leave the restaurant suppressing my own tears from falling. I can't show him any emotion other than anger and hatred. I can't let him see me crying like I did before. No, no more crying. Not in front of him.

I drive home as fast as I could. I needed to be somewhere out of everyone's sight.

While I'm driving I let my tears fall freely.. And every time I wipe my tears, series of past events flashes in my mind.

"You can have her boys.."

"Baatar no!"

I wipe my left eyes and scream.

"This is what you get for not coming home when I told so!!"  
"I'm sorry-- ughhhhhhh!!"

I wipe yet another stream of tears as I sob..

"You bitch!! Still doesn't know to cook a simple dish?! You're so stupid!!"

I reach home and lock myself inside to leave the outside world behind my door.

 

 

*********

 

 

I think it's already night time, because all I see from outside my window is darkness.

I cry again as I recall the skeletons in my closet.

When I was little, I always wondered what an orphan was. The caretakers where grew up told me that's what you call a kid who didn't have a mom and a dad to look after them. Then I understood that's exactly what I was.

I was told that my parents left me for reasons they didn't know.. Reasons I could never understand even now that I'm an adult. All my life, I lived by the idea that everyone was cruel, that you cannot always expect them to treat you the way you treated them.

I was alone and didn't even have a friend to call.

Till one day, Suyin Beifong adopted me, took me in, raised me as one of her children. But even then, I still felt alone. Her love for her children was nothing compared to the love she tried to show me. There were still gaps, bias, favoritism, and unfair treatment. But it didn't bother me in the slightest, after all, I was used to be neglected.

Then her eldest son came into my life.. He showed me love, cared for me and promised me that he would be nothing like the others who’d mistreated me. We became close, at first he was only like a brother to me. We played and had fun together. Learned and explored new things. We built and rebuilt, experimented and fed our curiosity in every amazing and possible way.

We aimed for the stars and reached what we had been dreaming of and we're still able to keep our feet on the ground. I was so glad that finally, I felt alive and cared for. He was the person who taught me how to trust people, taught me that life wasn't always about darkness. He taught me about... Love.

He fell in love with me and eventually, he asked for my hand in marriage. I wholeheartedly accepted even though I wasn't sure if I could return his love, but I tried. I thought my life would change if we lived together. He was kind, funny, and a genius in his own expertise. He gave me everything I asked of him. He changed my thinking about how cruel people were. He taught me to remove my mask and face the world with the real me. I tried. I obliged because I cared about him.

We were a team.. At least I thought that's what we were, but the moment I was completely open to him, his true colors showed. His color wasn't red like how his passion burned. His color wasn't green which he used to remind me that after every winter, spring would always sprout in due time. His color wasn't blue, which he used to assure me of the blue skies and rainbow that would surely come out after the rain. His color was black. His conscious was black. As black as the starless night that hid the sun away.

Always hot headed, irritated and easily agitated. Some nights he would come home late and drunk, the smell of sex all over him. He had mood swings, every word I said seemed like a sting that would provoke him.

I should've seen what was coming when he started laying hands on me. He started to yell at me and drag me by my hair even in front of other people. Before, he wouldn't dare to lay even one finger on me. He would project his anger on anything he could get his hands on. But later he got worse. He even burnt my flesh with a cigarette, saying that I served as a better ashtray than the actual one.

He was merciless towards me, he treated me like someone he didn't love. Like he didn't even care about what we had before he turned into something inhuman.

Then the beatings started. He would always ask forgiveness afterwards.

The first time he laid his hands on me, I was so scared and shocked. Yes I was used to being alone but never had I experienced being hurt physically. But I forgave him when he apologized. I trusted that he would keep his promise to never hit me again. But I was wrong. The beating was repeated, again and again and again. It was like a never ending cycle of torture. Until I became broken and fully admitted to myself that no matter what, no matter how hard I struggled, I would always be helpless.

The beatings made me distant from him. I couldn't stand sleeping in the same bed with my torturer. So when he felt like fucking me he would just beat me up and tie me to the bed, or wherever he wanted me to be tied up. Sometimes I was bent over, flipped to the side or whatever position he felt like placing me.

Then I found out that he had lost his job months ago and had been lying to me about it. He was just pretending to go to work every morning when in fact he would go to his friend’s house and gamble. He wasted all our savings on useless things... women, alcohol, even drugs. I realized that was what had caused his unusual animalistic behavior.

And just when I thought that my darkest days in his torturing hands being raped several times till I was spent and wasted was over, I was proven wrong yet again.

My period was delayed. Six weeks. The thing that I feared the most was a reality. I was pregnant. I regressed to being the child I once was, helpless and lost.  
I thought about aborting it, but then I again, I remembered myself being unwanted. I put myself in the place of the life that was forming inside of me. I came to think that being unwanted was the saddest feeling one could have. So yeah, I kept him and decided to love him the best way I could. Though I didn't have even the slightest idea as to how to give love to someone I didn't plan on having.

Then he learnt about my pregnancy and he was furious when he found out. Yelling at how stupid I was for being so careless.. He was like someone I've never seen before. He was much worse than what he looked like every other time he was beating the crap out of me.

He threw his fist at every inch of my body.

He didn't stop until I was bleeding down below. I pleaded for him to stop, but he didn't. Instead, my pleads sounded like an invitation for him to go on with his evil act.

He raped me. Over and over.

After that incident, I wasn't able to report to my class for weeks. I was shattered and I felt so low that I couldn't face the outside world anymore. Until one day, the school where I'd been teaching sent me a dismissal letter. I didn't notice that it had been months since my last report to that school. It had been months since I lost the child I never got to meet. And I mourned for another lost in my life.

Baatar didn't come home after he left that night. Somehow I was relieved that he wasn't home, because I had a day off from his beating.

Then one night, while I was sleeping a loud kick in my front door woke me up. Footsteps along with laughter were nearing my bedroom. I felt my heart beat fast, it felt like it wanted out from my rib cage. Then Baatar barged to our bedroom with a wide grin on his face.

He turned around and spoke.

"You can have her boys.."

"Baatar no!"

I tried my best to get away from their grasp. One man grabbed my left arm, the other guy at my right, and another held my both legs while another one was pulling my hair. They tried to tie me on my bed, which they managed despite me fighting. One was already pulling his pants down, exposing what they proudly called their greatest weapon.

I pleaded and cried as loud as I could, my chin trembled from crying and tears overflowed. I was still struggling from the makeshift cuff, but it didn't budge. I was helpless, all I could do was cry and scream for help at the top of my lungs though I knew that no matter how loud I screamed, help would never come to my aid.

"Shut her up!!"

The man who was in front shouted.

They were all laughing, having fun seeing me begging for their mercy. The guy at my left covered my mouth, choking me. They were about to do the thing I feared the most. I shut my eyes closed, I prepared myself for the upcoming hell. I prepared myself because that's all I could do. No one would come to rescue me, to help me. No one cared, not even my own parents. I was alone. It's all the same. I'm being tortured. I meant nothing to anyone. Not even the man whom I thought loved me.

Just when I thought that darkness would swallow me whole, a glimpse of light befell me. Police barged in, kicking the door open, removing it from its hinges. Everyone was trying to escape. The man who was going to rape me pulled out his gun and fired it at one of the police officers. That's when I saw the blue eyed woman. She ducked down, caught the guy's hand holding the gun, snatched it out of his hand and with a flip of her wrist their positions were reversed. She was now the one pointing the gun to his head. He pissed himself. He could only take down someone as weak as me, but not someone like her.

She must be a high ranking officer because she was ordering everyone to run after those who escaped and shoot to kill if they had to. After she was done giving orders, everyone dispersed. It's like they were programmed to follow her every word.

She then turned towards me. Her cyan blue eyes were filled with concern. She grabbed a blanket and walked towards me. She covered my naked, bruised body, but never once set her gaze on me. She untied me as as gentle as she could, freeing my four limbs from the restraints. She wrapped me comfortably with the blanket she used to cover me earlier, then her next move melted my fears again. She carried me, in her strong arms. For the first time in my life, I felt safe. I leaned on her chest and cried my heart out. I heard her whisper that everything was going to be fine from now on, and with all my heart, even if she was just a stranger, I believed her every word. She told me that the ambulance would be here soon, so we waited outside. I told her to put me down as I figured she still had things to deal with inside my house, but she refused, and instead held me tighter. She told me that it could wait and my well being was more of her concern.

I was deeply touched by her words. I looked at her face, her brows were knitted, she's breathing heavily and I know she was just suppressing her anger inside. She was looking far from where we were standing, then she spoke.

"I greatly despise domestic violence." She admitted. "That's why, when they presented us your case, I did everything in my power to have it assigned to me. And I'm glad I didn't fail you, Ms. Kuvira."

She turned to me and that's when I had a clear view of her eyes. They were nothing like I’d seen before. Her eyes were like those of the clear skies, relaxing.. soothing.. full of passion.. concern and love. How can someone be so kind to someone they didn't even know? All my life, I'd been fighting demons after demons.

For the first time in my life I was sure that what I felt for her was what they called love.

I memorized her face, her gaze and her smile. I memorized every crease and freckle. I didn't want to forget my hero. I wanted to carry a picture of her and keep it safely locked in my heart. Perhaps after this storm had calmed down, after I fixed the mess in me, I would meet her again. And maybe ask her out.

My case was closed and sadly I hadn't seen or heard anything about my blue eyed hero since then.

Time passed so fast that I hadn't noticed I was already fearless. I never thought that I'd actually overcome the hell I'd been through. I never thought that it was possible to be myself again.

I got a job, and eventually I was able to live past the traumatic events in my life. I lost whatever connections I had with the Beifong Family. I had no idea where the police had taken Baatar. All I knew was, he was completely out of my life. But the fear of him showing up at my door never left me. Thankfully, he never did. I heard rumors that he was rotting behind bars, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I tried to live a normal life again after what happened. The school where I applied never once asked about my dismissal from my previous job and they never judged me when they learned about my past. They welcomed me to their institution. The children reminded me of the bright future that was always ahead of me; they reminded me that it's never too late to start over and to have a happy life.

I had unconsciously gotten rid of the hope of meeting my hero again. I'd accepted that fate wanted us to meet only once. Though I still wished for a second time.

One day, my calm and dovish life was yet again shaken by a little girl who had been enrolled in my class having the same surname with my blue eyed hero. Out of curiosity, I asked her if she knew anyone by the name of Korra Kassuq. I was shocked when she nodded and proudly said she's her inay, or her mom. I was stunned. I immediately looked into her records on file. How could I have miss that? One of her parents' name was indeed Korra Kassuq. Then I heard someone call Ambili and I couldn't believe my eyes.. It's her.. After all these years.. I finally saw her again, not only in my dreams but in the flesh.

I clasped my mouth with my hand as my eyes beamed with tears. We locked gaze and I almost ran to her, to feel her protective arms wrapped around me again. I felt so excited that I couldn't contain my happiness as I cried happy tears. Oh how much I missed her. I walked towards her, smiling widely.

But I stopped in my tracks when I saw her hand nestled on the small back of a gorgeous woman beside her. I couldn't believe what I saw, the excitement I was unable to contain earlier had turned into jealousy. I envied the woman in her arms; she's so lucky to be wrapped in the arms of my blue eyed hero.

Ambili saw them then ran towards them, she called them mom and inay. Then I figured that they were her two moms. My hero picked Ambili up and the child giggled as the gorgeous woman started to kiss her everywhere and tickled her side. My blue eyed hero was also laughing, and I could see in her eyes how happy she was to be with them.

Then they kissed and that's when I felt my heart shatter into thousands of pieces.

The whole time I was filling the empty hole Baatar dug out of me I made a promise to myself that I would never cry again over someone. I made a promise that nothing could break me again, but I found myself doing the opposite when I saw my blue eyed hero kissing someone else. What hurt the most was, she didn't even recognize me at all. She didn't recognize the woman she saved. She didn't recognize the person I'd become because of her.

After that, I did everything to make her remember me again. I befriended her, showed her how special she was to me. I made her feel the love I had for her for years in the most subtle ways. Until one day, she showed me something that convinced me she wanted me to be more than just her child's teacher. Though I doubted that she remembered me, I still felt that she wanted me to be part of her life. And that was the happiest day of my life.

 

 

*********

 

 

I blink the newly formed tears away, caused by the bitter memories. I thought I'd moved past them and had completely forgotten them. I thought I’d buried them years ago. All those past years I’d been trying to get rid of permanently, but I just couldn't find a way how. I look up from my knees when I see something flickering on the far side of my kitchen as the light shines directly to its metal blade. Suddenly a voice in my head tells me to stand up and reach for the thing.

I stand in front of it. I reach for the handle and feel its sharp side with my thumb and its blunt side with my forefinger. Suddenly the pulse at my wrist becomes audible; loud enough for me to hear its every beat, it's strange, making my skin itch and it makes me want to find out what would happen if I cut the the wall of the vessel my blood is pressing at to make that irritating sound.

I place the knife at my wrist and I'm ready to find out the answer to my question. I can feel my flesh come in contact with the cold hard blade, but when I'm only a single movement away from finding out the answer, a flash of a certain face replaces the bitter memories playing in my head. It's Korra.. My blue eyed hero.. The person who gave me hope.. The person I love.. The person I wish to spend the rest of my life with..

I let go of the knife and and allowed my weight to pull me down to my knees. I let the tears collect in my palm as I loudly cry alone in front of my kitchen counter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I'm still making sense with how I build each bridge to get us through the next chap.


	15. Hearts Don't Always Break Even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this, then thank you. I really want to finish this story so I'm going to post whenever I can, and hopefully, it won't take me forever this time. (And I Just turned a year older last month, hehe).
> 
> Okay, so, we're back to where I left you at chap 12? And we're already moving forward to the main plot, that is their marriage problems. But maybe I'm still going to insert a personal pov in between and that would be from Ambili. Since she is the most affected person in a family that is about to fall apart sooner or later, I think she deserves to be heard. So yeah.

I wake up to the slow and lingering kisses pressed from my neck to my shoulder blades and a caressing hand that is running up and down my arm. I open my eyes and smile at the sweet sensation. Long it has been since I wake up to these feelings. My smile grew wider as the lips pampering me hum to my ear but I falter when the voice I don't expect speaks my name..

My body stiffens when I realize that I am in an intimate position with a person I shouldn't be with, it is Iroh.

Suddenly my body goes to autopilot and jumps off of him and off his bed, somehow I manage to pull the sheet with me to save what is left of my dignity.

“Iroh?!” My voice is trembling.. Iroh is as frightened as I am with my reaction. His hand hangs in midair, still in a position where it is supposed to be on my arm, eyes wide like a child caught with his hand inside a cookie jar.

My eyes trail down his body but I shut them tight when they reach the part which I really hope is not exposed. But damn it, it is exposed.

I put my hand on my head as my breathing becomes ragged. This cannot be happening, not when I'm still wearing the ring korra gave me on the day of our wedding.

I pace back and forth, trying to catch some air and find anything that would make sense. What the hell happened?

But whatever I do, nothing's making sense.

“Iroh..” My breath is still caught up in my throat. Like there's something blocking the air from entering my lungs that's needed to form a word.

“Iroh.. “ I try again.. “Did we.. Did we..” I stammer. I cannot say the words, just thinking about it makes my insides twist. Vile is starting to make its way up my throat threatening to spill out all the food I ate since I was a child.

Did I just break my vows to Korra? Did I just commit infidelity? No, I'm the kind of woman who keeps her vows despite being in a multiple situations where I had every right not to.

“Asami, please calm down..” He is on his feet and for fuck’s sake can't he cover himself up? He's trying to kill me by exposing more of his naked form.

“Iroh!” I yell, pointing to between his legs with my brows knitted to emphasize what I mean. Good thing he understands me and grabs something for cover.

Once we are fully clothed, he settle at the living room. Seeing his bed makes me sick to my stomach. So I prefer somewhere to talk far away from where the subject of our talk just took place.

He sits beside me but I move away, he seems to understand me so he doesn't push on coming closer to me again.

“Iroh..” I begin. “What happened last night?” I know I'm asking the obvious but I honestly can't remember how we ended up inside his bedroom and on his bed, did what we did then cuddled.

“The last thing I remember was you, trying to kiss me in the pool.. And then the next thing I knew was that, we were.. I.. Ughhhh!!!” I groan in frustration. I can't believe this is happening.

“Asami, whatever happened between us last night.. I assure you that I didn't do anything without your permission.” He says, eyes staring right straight into mine.

“Then how come I can't remember a single thing?!” I yell. Frustrations is building up in me, swallowing me whole. I feel like I walked into a trap with my eyes covered and there's just no going back.

He deflates, making no move to explain to me further how we ended up like that. Part of me believes him, for his one of the gentlest men I know. But the rest of me doubts him for I can't remember anything giving him such permission.

When all he does is sigh to breathe out his tension, I give up on pushing him to detail everything. We can just pretend that it never happened, right? Like I pretended Korra never cheated on me before.

“I think I need to go home.”

“And then what?” He asks so quickly.

“And then what, Iroh?” I counter, if he's expecting us to be a thing after this then he's mistaken.

“I mean, when I'm going to see you again, Asami?”

“You're not. And this thing never happened between us. Do you understand me?”

“What?” He sounds so surprised. “You mean, after what we did last night? You're just going to tell me that you're not seeing me again? What am I to you, a, a play thing? That when I'm no longer needed you're just going to throw me away?!”

“Oh for crying out loud, Iroh! I'm married!!”

We are both breathing heavily, nose flaring and tension is just everywhere. I feel like I'm inside a sauna.

“I'm married.” I say a little calmer as I sit. Burying my face on my hand.

He doesn't move, I think I slap him with my words harder than my hand could ever do. Disbelief is all over his face and tears are slowly leaking from his eyes down to his angered flushed cheeks.

He chuckles, which is a weird reaction from a person who just got his heart ripped out of his chest by the same woman for an umpteenth time.

“Well I guess I've been reading the signs blindly.” He sniffs. “I thought we were slowly getting along and I thought you're finally liking me. I mean, I changed. For you.. I did everything to be of your liking.” He closes his eyes and let his heart to fall down to the floor to shatter.

“Iroh..” I stand facing him, cupping his face in my hand and let his tears run down my fingers.

“I'm sorry.. I really am.. For breaking you for so many times.. Believe me when I say I wanted to return all the affections you've shown me.. I tried to be honest, but even if I try harder.. There is just no way I'm going to be what you wanted me to be. And Like I said, it wasn't you, it was me..”

I press my forehead to his, hoping to bring comfort to his broken state.

“I guess I'm never going to be enough, am I?” His voice is rather a whisper.

“No.. I'm sorry.. You see, my heart belongs to someone else.. Though she eis with someone else right now.” I say. I stare into his eyes and see the sadness in his soul which I can relate so much.

We might be broken for a different reason, but we both share the same feelings. We feel that we are never going to be enough for the person we chose to love.

“Well, whoever is breaking your heart, he better make amends fast. Because if he doesn't, then I'm going to do whatever it takes to win you.” He said seriously but I find it amusing so I chortle lightly.

“I'm serious Asami. I may sound so desperate, but I'm not giving up on you just yet.”

“Iroh please.. And we’re not talking here of a he.”

“Wait, What?” He snaps, then his brows rise up high to his forehead when realization dawns in. “No way!!”

“Well, I remember that I made it clear to you before we started dating that I was a bi.. And I still am, by the way. So what's with the surprise eyes, Iroh?” I joke, trying to lighten up the heavy tension between us.

“I mean..” He sighs.. “I guess you're right. But I never thought you were serious though.”

“Well, that's naturally you, Iroh. You never believed every single word I said. You never believed me when I said I never had a thing for you, you never believed me when I said I was a bi and you certainly never believed me when I said that it was never you why I had to break up with you.”

“Okay okay.. I'm sorry.. But like I said, I'm not going to give up on you just yet.”

I shake my head in defeat then he pulls me closer for a hug.

“You know how much I'm in love with you, right?” He whispers…

“When are you going to give up? Huh?” I ask, letting go from the hug and looking into his eyes.

“When an apple tree bears oranges, that's only when, ‘Sami.” He says, making sure that he's meant it.

I'm touched by his sincerity, then I pull him for another embrace.

“Thank you, Iroh, for loving me.. For everything.”

I know I never admitted this to him and never will I for this will only fuel his desire to love me more, but I guess I always needed him to remind me that there's always someone who loves me unconditionally.

Soon enough I decide to go home and be on my own again. While driving, I recall about what he said that Korra better be making her amends fast, if she's still planning to, that is, because I can feel that I'm slowly running out of time.

I reach my place and park my car in the garage. Seeing the house I used to share with Korra, cuts a fresh wound in my heart. I push the door open and wear a different mask to show my daughter. I can't let her see how this situation drains me.

Luckily, Ambili never fails to draw a genuine smile on my face as I see her running towards me, leaving everything she's doing, to give me a warm welcome hug and make me feel that someone still cares.

“What's wrong, mom?” She asks, as she wipes the tear that I haven't noticed forming and falling from my eyes.

“I'm just happy to be home with you, honey.” She frowns, then I laugh it off. She hugs me again a little tighter this time. I can tell that she doesn't believe me, and I know she knows exactly why I'm crying. But she’s smart so she doesn't show it, and I'm thankful for that.

Soon, we retire to bed after having dinner with Ambili and her nanny and Ambili insisted on sleeping with me. She occupies half of Korra's side of the bed, we lay in silence, both missing the person who used to keep us both warm when the night is cold.

She snuggles closer to me and kisses me on my cheeks which pulls me out of my daydream.

“Don't worry mom, I'm sure Inay’s thinking about us too.” She smiles, and even in the dim light I can see her toothy smile. I don't know how she got Korra's smile but I couldn't be more thankful for that.

I smile at how she knows me so well, that she even knows who I am thinking.

I know Korra is just somewhere right now, and I really want to believe what my daughter said to me. Yes, somehow I'm hoping that even if she's with someone, she would still think about us too. That even if she's in the arms of someone else, her heart would remind her of us.

As I let my mind wanders, a flashback comes into my head. I remember Iroh. And suddenly I feel the need for a shower. But I wait for Ambili to slumber first before I carefully slide off the bed. I strip my clothes off and head to the bathroom.

Though Iroh and I manage to keep our relationship friendly, I still feel filthy. Thinking of how I let someone touch me when I'm still bound to the person I love made me sicker than I am. I turn the warm knob fully, letting the water heat up even more. Though I scrub myself harder than necessary, I can still see the dirt covering my skin, it's like it's all glued onto my flesh. How can I face my daughter? What she's going to think of me? What am I going to tell Korra when she see the filth in my body? My lips tremble but not from the hot water burning my skin, but from the inner pain crawling in me. I hear voices in my head screaming at how stupid I am for giving myself to Iroh last night. I beg for them to stop but they only keep yelling words that are unbearable to hear.

I let myself slide down to sit on the tile. I think back to what happened with me and Iroh, I think back of what he said. I think about how we are never enough for the person we love even after giving our everything. And I think about Korra, I desperately want to ask her why. why? Why did she do this to me? What happened to the promises we made, the vows we gave? What did I do to deserve this? Am I that easy to replace? To forget? What did she see in Kuvira that she just couldn't find in me?

As I silently weep in the dark.. I manage to let out a soft whisper.

“Why?”

 

 

*****

 

  

I'm still on the same spot where Asami left me, with a bottle of whiskey in my hand, I'm trying to drown myself. It’s been like this. It’s always been like this, and I’m surprised that up until now, I’m still not used to this; me, the one who is always left alone to patch myself up and her the one who is always walking out the door.

So, she has a wife. A wife that neglects her, a wife that makes her feel what she’s making me feel. A wife that doesn't see her worth. I guess we’re even now, although in a very different circumstances.

I wonder how she looks like, I wonder how great is the woman she exchanges asami for.  
I can't imagine how Asami must have been hurt when she knew that her wife has cheated on her, it must've been unbearable. Thinking about her crying over her wife makes me sick, makes want to go back to who I was. Then something clicks, yes, I can't just sit here and do nothing while my beloved is being hurt out there. I should do something, I should protect her. I should mend her. Who else would do that if not me? If I'll be able to save her, then maybe, just maybe, she will see me the way I wanted to be seen.

Suddenly, I think of my family’s wealth, I think about our influences. And I think of just how easy it is to save her.

So I pick up my phone and dial the number I thought I already buried long time ago. But I realize that I haven't when I hear the very familiar voice on the other line.

“Hello? yeah, it’s me.. I know.. it’s been a while.. yeah I’m sorry for doing that.. No, it’s not like I locked you out of my life, it’s more like reserving you to be my last resort.. Yeah, like the old times… No, Not the chick, you know I could never hurt her.. okay.. I’ll be sending you the details of your next job..”

I smile to myself, looks like the saying is true; bad habits die hard.

“And Junior? make sure to end her sufferings soon.”

With that, I hang up. It’s time to let them know that nobody hurts my Asami. I know hearts don't always break even, and I'm the one who is always left with the smallest part of the share. I've nothing to lose, might as well gamble everything I have to protect the woman I have always loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a little bit dramatic, don't you think? As always, thank you for reading my crap.


	16. Just Walk Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I know and I'm sorry. I know I said that I will update as soon as I can the last time I updated, but something happened and the past few months had been the hardest time of my life. I lost someone so irreplaceable. But I'm good now, though I'm still not back to my 100%. 
> 
> Anyway, enough of me. Hope u enjoy this one.

The sun hasn't fully risen yet when I get home, which tells me that Asami is still fast asleep.

Quietly stepping inside, I carefully close the door behind me to keep my two sleeping girls from waking up. I'm planning to make Asami breakfast in bed. I know it isn't much but it's the only way I can think of to tell her that I want to set things right. Hopefully it isn't too late for us.

As I turn around, I hear a soft whine. I almost forgot that I still have another girl who is sleeping downstairs; guarding. I get her to hush and she walks towards me quietly.

I squat to greet her. Usually she would lick my entire face, but now she greets me with her front paws on my shoulders, it’s like she’s saying she missed me.

“I missed you too, girl. Thanks for watching over them while I wasn't around.”

She whines her welcome and we both head to the kitchen. It’s time to work my apologies out.

As I am making breakfast, I hear soft footsteps coming downstairs. I smile to myself knowing that it is my daughter.

“Nay?” She says, voice still muffled with sleep. When I turn around, her face lights up. She runs towards me and I crouch immediately to meet her. She hugs me tightly and whispers, “I missed you.” I stand up still holding her, whispering, “I missed you too.”

“What are you cooking?” She asks.

“Pancakes and eggs. I’m making us breakfast. You will help me right?”

She grins, she may be a genius prodigy but she’s still a child that gets excited over simple things.

 

//

 

I wake up on my own; seems like staying asleep is becoming harder for me nowadays. I reach for Ambili behind me without turning around. My forehead crinkles and I almost panic when I feel she’s not there. I sit up wondering where she went this early. Then a delightful smell tickles my nose. I smell pancakes and I figure that maybe it’s where she’s at. So, I stand up, and grab my robe, and go down to check on her. I’m surprised that her nanny decided to make us something to eat.

As I near the kitchen, I hear the voices of Ambili and someone else. I pause, realizing that the other voice is not Ambili’s nanny. Who she is with? Could it be? Well, there’s only one way to find out.

When I reach the kitchen, my heart melts at the sight in front of me. There, Korra is holding Ambili on her left hip while she’s flipping the pancakes. Ambili is writhing and snuggling and playing in her arm, enjoying her Inay’s presence. Korra is very careful at balancing Ambili, keeping her from falling.

It's quite a sight. If only things could be what they are right now.

I must've zoned out, because when I look, two pairs of surprised eyes are on me. They look at each other and smile. She puts Ambili down, who runs towards me, hugging me in my middle. Korra just stands there. Usually she would come and join the hug, but it’s not going to be like that again. Part of me wants her to come and join us but I guess it’s better this way. If she were to wrap her arms around me, I’m scared that I might beg for her to not leave us again and that’s the last thing I want to happen.

Suddenly, our feet became interesting as Korra and I stare at them.

Korra breaks the silence first and asks Ambili to help her set the table.

I walk into the kitchen and pull Korra by her arm, when Ambili isn't looking, and lead her out of the kitchen so we can talk without our daughter hearing us.

Our daughter, that sentence is becoming foreign on my tongue.

“What is the meaning of this?” I whisper.

“Asami, can we not talk about this and have some breakfast first?”

“Oh, you mean we will sit and enjoy the pancakes and kiss our daughter, while she makes a mess with the syrup, like a normal family would do? Great, let’s go back inside.” I say with more sarcasm than I intended. She sighs and deflates and looks over to Ambili with her eyes almost watery.

“Moms! The pancakes are getting cold!” Ambili calls out.

I pinch the bridge of my nose as Korra places her hands on her hips. Sighing, she looks up at me, waiting for me to say something.

“Fine.” I say. “But we will talk later.” She nods, then we both go back into the kitchen like nothing happened. Ambili knows, but she is becoming a good actress in front of us.

The table is filled with laughter from Ambili; though she notices how careful we are with our movements, she does not show it. She knows exactly what’s happening and I feel for her, caught in between us.

Later the school bus arrives, picking up all the children and sending them to school which leaves Korra and I on our own to talk. As Ambili waves goodbye, the two of us go back to reality.

I walk back inside the house and lean on the door frame like I did earlier.

“Well?” I say.

Korra turns around as she dries her hands with the towel. It’s more like fidgeting her fingers than actually wiping them, not knowing where to start.

Finally, she looks up to meet my burning eyes. But as soon as our eyes connect, I divert my gaze. I’m not ready to face her just yet.

Korra sighs then rubs the back of her neck, relaxing the tense nerves there.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately.” She starts, leaning her back on the sink, still with the towel in hand.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately.. like a whole lot.”

“Okay, I get what you mean.” I cut her off. If she’s going to say what I think she wants to say, then I don't want to hear more.

Korra is surprised to hear me say that, her face lights up. Like a child that is now out of trouble for staying out late. The happiness in Korra’s face only churns my gut. I flinch, but I don’t show it. I knew that she was going to ask for it, sooner or later.

“You do?” She asks.

“Yeah, so uhm.. Let me just go to work, because I have a really important meeting to attend.” I lie. I turn around so that Korra won't see the the hurt that's twisting inside me. If being strong is the only thing I can show her, then that’s exactly what I am going to do to let her know that she can’t break me.

I sigh and almost drag my feet to walk away from her. I use all my strength to go back upstairs and get ready for work. I tell myself that the time has come to end the lies, even though my heart tells me otherwise.

As I close my bedroom door behind me, I let my tears fall freely along with the heaviness in my chest. I clasp my hand over my mouth to stop the sounds from escaping. I can't let her hear me crying, not if I can help it.

 

//

 

When I hear the door of Asami’s room click I let out the breath I’ve been holding. I felt dizzy talking to her. Our two minute talk was the most nerve-racking two minutes of my life. I never thought asking for her forgiveness would be so distressing.

But finally, I feel like I’m doing something right for the first time of my life.

So, I throw my fists in the air and shout, but I immediately back down. I don't want her to think that I'm getting ahead of myself. After all, she told me that I need to wait until she's done with her business meeting.

 

//

 

Inside my room, I hear Korra downstairs celebrating her victory which I know she does that with her fists up in the air. The thought draws a small smile on my lips, it reminds me of how she reacted whenever things went her way. She's happy.

I sit on the edge of my bed, and pull out the drawer of my bedside table. Inside is the folder Korra gave me a couple of weeks ago. The folder that would determine our future. The folder that will soon break my family... and my heart.

I take a quick shower and apply my usual makeup. I can’t attend a meeting looking like a walking scarecrow.

Before I walk out of my room, I sigh and mentally pat my back and say to myself, “You got this. You always do.” With that, I open the door and walk downstairs wearing my most stoic face. The walk from my room to my car is taking longer than it should, and I feel like the ground beneath my feet is a fire pit that is slowly burning my flesh.

As I take my last step out of the house, a firm hand gently grabs my hand which causes me to turn around and look into the brightest blue eyes that I’ve been avoiding.

“Asami, I’m glad you’re doing this. I’m glad that we’re doing this.”

Her words cuts a fresh wound in my heart. It’s like she just pushed the knife that is already buried in my chest a little deeper. But as unbearable as the pain is, I smile.

“Of course.. we both are.” With that, I pull my hand away even though I badly wanted to hold hers. I make my way to my car, hoping my knees wouldn’t give out before I reach it.

Once inside my car, I barely manage to insert the key to the right place as my vision blurs from the all the anger and hate that comes in a form of salty liquid. But I wipe them dry, and shrug the pain away. It’s time to go to work. Today is going to be a long day.

 

//

 

She said that she's glad we're doing this, but why do I feel like she's not? Shouldn't she be holding me? I ask myself. It's confusing, but I know things will change later. Hopefully.

My phone beeps. There's a message from the person I least expect. Kuvira. Sighing, I read her message. She wants us to meet. I contemplate for a second, deciding how to reply.

Well, sooner or later, I need to tell her that we’re done. So I send my reply, making it short and cold. Hopefully she’ll pick up the real message behind it.

Before I put my phone back in my pocket, it beeps again. She replied fast, telling me that she's in the hospital. Suddenly I'm worried. What happened to her? Is this just her way of keeping me? If that's so, then I don't buy it.

I must stay firm, because this has to end.

I take a quick shower and head to work. Kuvira will have to wait. Work comes first.

I stop at the police station to finish some paperwork that will take a while.

Later, I say goodbye to Bolin who's still finishing his reports. I ask him to give mine to Chief and tell her that I need to be somewhere else. I tell him about my decision to end things with Kuvira. He happily approved and rewarded me with a hug.

On my drive to the hospital to see Kuvira, I pass by a flower shop and I think about giving Asami a bouquet later at dinner.

I bought a bunch of red and white tulips for Asami to make things right, and a nosegay of peony for Kuvira to settle things between us.

I reach the hospital, and it's where Opal works. Of all places, why here? I haven't seen Opal for a long time and I'm sure she'll beat me to death now that she knows my relationship with her adopted sister.

As my car came to a stop, I see Opal talking to the other doctors, so I lower my head and close my tinted car window so I can hide myself more. I wear my cap while inside the car hoping I can reach the reception without her seeing me. I get out of my car and I stoop even lower and pace fast towards the other side of the car to get the bunch that's for Kuvira. Then as I stand up straight again, I feel a hard slap at the back of my head. It's so hard that I scream.

“Awww!! Opal?!”

“What?” She asks innocently. “Think you can hide from me, do you?”

“I wasn't hiding! I didn't even see you there!”

She rolls her eyes. “Didn't see me my butt. So, what are you doing here? Visiting my great sister?”

“What?! No! I was uhm..”

“Are those for her? Because it's clear they’re not for me.”

“Yeah you're damn right, they aren't for you. And I think you know exactly who are they for."

“I see.. So, how are the things going on between you and Asami?”

I snort, then fuss. “We're doing fine! Just fine.” I said looking away but side glancing at her with small pout of my lower lip.

She doesn't answer, clearly she doesn't believe me.

“I'm trying to make things right, okay?”

“Oh, you think those flowers would make her go soft and just accept your apologies right away?”

She said while pointing to the other bunch that's inside the car.

Listen, you've hurt her more than she shows it. I think what you and my great sister did changed her so much, and I'm afraid that she will never be the person she was. So you better make more effort than just giving her those cheap flowers.”

I frown, those aren't cheap.

I try to reason with her, but she holds her hands up to stop me and goes on with her lecture.

“Also, Asami wouldn't be so forgiving if she learns that you're visiting your other woman while trying to win her back.”

“Opal, please.. You're sounding like my dad. Look, I'm here to end things with Kuvira okay? She texted me to come here. I wasn't planning to see her though, not yet, but since she told me to come, I thought that it might be the right time to tell her.”

Opal raises her hand again, and I'm preparing myself for another slap. But instead, I feel her hand on my shoulder, so I open my eyes to see what she's doing.

“I'm glad that you're doing this. But I warn you, Kuvira won't let you go that easily.”

“I know and I'm ready for the battering she's going to give me. Why is she here anyway?”

“I don't think I'm the one to tell you exactly what happened. All I can say is that she told me Baatar is back, and he wants another chance.”

Hearing his name woke up the storm in me. How dare he come back after all he's done.

“Korra, I know that look. Don't think of doing anything stupid. My brother has changed.”

“Changed? Opal, a monster will always be a monster. And-”

“Enough. Look, I'm not defending him or anything, What I'm saying is that let's give him another chance. Before, you told me that nothing could replace Asami in your heart, but what happened?”

Well, I can't argue with that. Opal has a point.

“Fine. But I'll be watching him.”

“I know you will, that's why I love you. Now go and set things right. Good luck though, ‘cause you'll be needing it.” She winks.

 

//

 

My meeting went by smoothly.

I'm driving to Opal’s workplace, I need to tell her about the the decision I made. She won't be happy though, but what choice do I have.

As I park my car, I see Korra walking towards the hospital, with flowers in hand. Who is she bringing flowers to? Opal? Then I remember the principal at Ambili’s school told me that Kuvira was on leave, saying that she's in the hospital. Well that makes sense.

So I decided to just visit Opal some other day. I look at the folder on the passenger’s seat. It's time to sign these stupid papers.

 

//

 

Kuvira's room is on the third floor, room 301. It's a private room with a high suicide risk protocol applied. That explains why I was searched before I was allowed to go inside her room. Even the flowers were kept at the nurses’ station.

She's in restraints, with her wrists wrapped in bandages. Guess there's no need to ask what happened. I bring the chair next to her, and I wait for her to wake up.

Few minutes later, she wakes up surprised that I'm here.

“Hi.” She greets. “I see the nurses did what I asked of them. I told them to tell you to come here, since I wasn't allowed to use my phone.”

“Yes, they did. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

I chuckle. Then she smiles.

“I missed you.” She said.

My heart melts at sight of her. She's pale, lost weight and she looks like she's going to die if I tell her that I'm leaving her. I'm almost tempted not to, but I need to do this.

“Baatar.. He came back and he said, he-” She's not able to finish her sentence. I reach for her hand then wipe away her tears. I can tell that she's hurting, because it would take a lot to make her cry.

“I know. And I'm here. I'm not letting him hurt you again.” I assure her.

“I know. That's why I love you. You're always there, protecting me.”

My heart breaks at her words, but I know that this is the time.

“Kuvira, you know that I care for you right? And I loved you, I really did.”

I say calmly, hoping she will pick up the past tense. She turns her head and furrows her brows.

“Why am I feeling that this is something I'm not going to like?” She asks, but surprisingly, her voice doesn't sound angry.

“I'm ending this.” I say, straight to the point. I honestly admit that I'm not a very tactful person when it comes to this kind of talk. So I always get straight to the point.

Then, silence is all there is. The only thing I can hear is the loud thumping of my heart, feeling like it's already in my ears.

“You know, all I ever wanted was to have someone who would love me. Someone who would want me. Then I met you. After you saved me, all I could think of was you, holding me, fixing me, and making love to me. I fell in love with you not just because you were my hero, but because I saw the kindness in you. And even though I learned that you're already married, I still wanted you. Needed you. So I did all those crazy things to make you mine, without thinking that I might wreck a home. I thought I won though, but I didn't. I guess people always do crazy things when they're in love..”

I'm surprised to hear this from her. At first I thought she was going to yell and curse at me. But when I meet her eyes, all I see is the most sincere heart.

“When I met you, I thought I made a mistake marrying Asami. But I realized that all I ever need is her. It's always been her.” I say holding her hand tighter.

She cries, and I gently wipe the tears away.

“She's lucky to have you. Tell her that I never meant to hurt her or her daughter. Thank you for the time you spent with me. Those were my happiest days.”

I spend some time with her, telling her that I'll be keeping an eye on Baatar. I tell her that even though we're not together now, she still has a friend in me. I didn't expect our breakup to be this easy, but I guess Opal’s right. People do change.

Soon, I say goodbye to her but not without promising a visit from me again.

I walk out of the hospital with peace of mind, feeling like all the thorns have been removed in my chest. Smiling, I drive home. Now it's time to sweep my wife off her feet.

 

//

 

After visiting Kuvira, I fetch Ambili from her school and ask Bolin if he could watch her for the night. Good thing he's always there to help me. It's not that I don't want my daughter home but I figure that Asami and I could use some privacy if things go according to my plan. A smile creeps onto my lips at the sudden thought of us being alone at home after making things right. Now I'm more excited to carry out operation ‘sweep her off her feet’.

After buying all the things needed I immediately went home.

With the help of the internet, I am able to prepare all the mouth watering food I need to make this diner romantic and memorable. Once everything is ready I go take a shower.

I wear a white button up with a tie and a sweater vest, but I think that Asami could pull the tie and strangle me if she lashes out from her anger. I shake the thought out of my mind and take off the clothes. I change to a simpler outfit; t-shirt and black jeans. Now I can breath easily without the fear of being strangled to death.

I set the table and wait for Asami to arrive. I check the time. I sigh my nervousness away as the time nears to 6:30. It's a little late actually but I guess because of the meeting she may be finishing some paperwork.

6:45..

6:55..

As the minutes pass by, my heart beats faster and louder.

Then I hear the door click, which means she's home. Finally. I hurriedly turn off all the lights.

“Ambili?” She calls out. “Hello?”

I light the candles and it gleams brightly reaching through the living room. I can hear her footsteps nearing, till she reaches the garden where I set up this romantic dinner.

I stand near the table with flowers in hand.

Asami is shocked at the sight. Her brows furrow and she blinks several times before it registers to her what's going on.

She walks slowly towards me and I feel my breath hitches as the soft breeze blows her wavy hair, making it sway as she walks. She stops and rests her hand on the side of the table. Our gazes never leave each other, but I can see the confusion in her eyes. Asking a thousand questions at once. I steady myself as my knees go weak while I let myself drown in her eyes.

“Asami..” I begin.

Then suddenly, all the romantic vibes die out when she says, “I signed it.”

“Wh- what do you mean, you signed it?” I ask, stuttering.

“You didn't need to do all of this. Make me breakfast, offer me a romantic dinner..” She chuckles bitterly as she diverts her eyes to the side. “Bring me flowers. There's no need really. Here.” She opens her briefcase and pulls out the folder that looks familiar to me. Then she hands it to me.  
“It's all done.” She says, smiling.

I take the folder and open it. As the candles slowly melt away with every sway of the fire, I can feel my heart slowly die as well.

“Asami.. I…” I don't know what to say. Is this what she's been thinking? Was she really thinking that I did all this just to pursue the divorce? I look up to her, gathering the courage left in me to explain myself.

“Asami, did you really think that I’m did all this just for you to sign these papers?”

“Well, why else would you be doing this if not for our divorce to take place?”

I snort. “Asami! I didn't do this because of that.”

“Then what for? Tell me because I don't know what else to think! I don't know what else to believe in! Everytime I talk to people, I feel like they're going to stab me at the back when I turn around!”

Her voice is cracked and she's so furious, all I can do is look away and stop my own tears from falling. She sits down, almost breaking.

“Ever since you cheated on me, I began having trust issues. Everyone is talking shit about me because I tell them that I still believe in you. In us. That somehow, you would come to your senses and wouldn't leave me. But you know what? I'm done with that. I'm done with you. So, yeah.. There you go, it's what you wanted, right?

“Asami..” I say kneeling in front of her. I want to hold her hand but I stop myself as I see the wall that she’s built between us.

“This isn't about that.. Believe it or not, this is all about me, asking for a another chance from you. I know making you breakfast and offering you a romantic dinner could never make up for what I did, but you know me, I always do simple things. And I know that's what you love about me.” I put my hand on her knees, testing waters as I continue talking. “Asami, I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for cheating on you, I'm sorry for hurting our child. I'm sorry for everything. And I'm most sorry for breaking your trust.” I stare into her eyes.

“Asami, can you give me a another chance?” I take her hands in mine. “Can you give us, another chance?” I whisper.

She looks away biting her lower lip to keep it from trembling as she cries. Her hands are shaking but I keep them still. I wait for her patiently. Waiting for whatever she will do that she thinks I deserve. I expect a hard slap or a straight out punch, but instead, I feel her hands pulling loose from my grasp.

She breathes out shakily, trying to catch her breath from holding back her sob.

“I wish I could just forgive you that easily but I'm sorry, I'd rather be alone than to be in a mendacious relationship. It's scary you know. Even if we get back together, it won't be the same as it was.. To have your trust crushed once.. it would be hard to trust the same person again.”

She gives me faint smile. A smile that shows a thousand of emotions. Hurt, love, sorrow and a plea. A smile that tells me that we won’t be us again.

I freeze in place, feeling like my blood is being drained out of my body. My palms become cold and sweaty. I retract my hands from her knees, feeling like she's already unreachable. Like she's drifted to somewhere just beyond my grasp. I’m suddenly at a lost for words. What's left to say? When she’s already sealed her heart away from me.

I want to beg for another chance, bargain everything I have and everything I am just to hear her say yes. I feel so desperate to do anything to have her back, and never would I rise again from where I kneel. But the sound of her voice says it all. There's no more us. This is the end.

She stands up, and dusts her skirt. She looks at me one last time with cold eyes and a numb stare, then she walks away.

She walks away and never turns around. She doesn't even give a side glance nor is there any hint that she regrets walking away. All I'm certain about is that she's walking away and out of my life.

**Author's Note:**

> *Inay is a Filipino term for mothers.  
> *Ambili is an Indian word which means moon.
> 
> I wanted it to be Asami.. But I thought naaah, it's better to be Korra.
> 
> To my friend, Buddha1800, thank you for being such a supportive friend.


End file.
